Dear One4mom4All,

A parent asked me a similar question (http://bit.ly/bwqyVI) on my website, Ask the Mediatrician. He wanted to know if he should get his 11-year-old daughter a cell phone; she kept saying that all her friends had them, and he wasn't sure if she was too young. Here was my answer:

Did you give her the age-old parenting response, “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?” Alas, it rarely works…

First, remember that cell phones are tools. Sit down with your daughter and ask what she’d like to use it for. Tell her how you would like to see her use it, and what is off limits—like texting while crossing the street (http://bit.ly/diAHHT) or sending sexual images to friends (http://bit.ly/bGc1Dn). Having this conversation will allow you to set expectations from your side and from hers. It can also help you determine whether it is, in fact, time for your daughter to have a cell phone.

If after this conversation you do not feel that your daughter is ready for this responsibility, it is okay to say no. Clever marketing has convinced parents that every kid needs a cell phone for safety’s sake, but the fact of the matter is that there are many other ways to call for help. And if safety is your main concern, it is far more important to teach your daughter to be confident in an emergency than to provide her with a phone. This confidence will serve her well even if she doesn’t have a phone, or if it is lost or unavailable.

If you do decide to get your daughter a cell phone, emphasize that having one is a privilege and a responsibility, and that if she misuses the phone, she will lose both.

See the upsides and downsides to cell phones: http://bit.ly/bZLlaN

Enjoy your media and use them wisely,
Dr. Michael Rich, The Mediatrician®
 
This question was also answered on Ask the Mediatrician: http://cmch.typepad.com/mediatrician/2009/05/should-i-give-my-11-year-old-the-cell-phone-she-wants.html

This is one of the most common questions I hear from parents in my workshops and my office, in fact, "Can I have a cell phone?" made it as one of the top 50 questions kids ask in my new book, "The Tops 50 Questions Kids Ask"!

There is no right or wrong age for a child to get a phone, but certainly, there is definitely a good argument to be made for 8-years old being too young, especially if your gut feeling is telling you so. In my experience the majority of kids get a cell when they go into middles school, fewer in the upper elementary grades and even fewer in the earlier grades. Getting your child a phone simply because she's begging, is NOT a good reason! Neither is "because everyone else has one"--this probably won't be close to the truth until the near the end of middle school or high school!

The time to get your child a phone is when it seems right for your family. Remember, under the right circumstances, a cell phone can be a fantastic way to communicate with your child. For example:
--if she is on a travel sports team and you want to be able to be in touch with her when she's on the move.
--you work/travel a lot or she has a hectic schedule and you feel texting/talking to her is a great way to stay in touch during the day (it really is!)
--you have specific safety concerns (e.g. she's the only child on the bus for a period of time on the route)

This can happen at different ages for different kids (although not usually before about eight or nine years)

It is definitely fair to review phone activity--you're the parent and you pay for the phone! Especially review 'in school' use. If it seems like your child is using the phone too much during school hours, addressing the issue is necessary.

In addition, you need to give your child (of any age) clear rules for how to use the phone. An eight year old doesn't yet need to learn about sexting (texting nude pictures) but can certainly learn:
--never to send a picture of herself to anyone without your approval
--never to take a picture of anyone without their consent
--never to send a picture of anyone without their consent and your approval
--never to text with strangers
--always identify herself when talking to someone new and never pretend to be someone else when texting.
--not to ignore your call or text or she'll lose the phone privilege.

In addition with young children and preteens, the phone may have to be taken away at night to prevent late night chatting and texting. Cell phones are linked to sleep deprivation in kids and teens!

Bottom line--their is no one Rule. Do what's right for you and your child, be vigilant, keep communicating and remember that a child who texts with you is communicating with you!

Dr. Susan Bartell
JustAsk Expert
www.drsusanbartell.com
Twitter @drsusanbartell
NEW book! "The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask"