Dear Concerned Father,

Thanks for posting your question. I know that many parents struggle over custody arrangements, and I imagine many others will learn from your post.

Because I don't know the specifics of your family, I can't really advise you and your wife on custody arrangements, but I can give you some things to consider:

As you have likely heard divorce is difficult for children because changes in the child's living arrangements, school, involvement in activities, times with friends, etc, can trigger a great deal of stress in children. High levels of stress can lead to emotional and behavioral problems in some children. Your daughter's adjustment after the divorce depends on her temperament, her resilience prior to the divorce, and the way in which you and your wife manage the divorce. You and your wife can help shore up her coping abilities by providing some continuity (dependable meal, activity, and bedtime schedules, consistency in rules in both homes, etc). Offer her choices (e.g., what to wear, eat), whenever possible so that she can feel more control in what is happening to her. Also, do whatever you can to avoid disagreements with your wife in front of her. Channel anger and frustration into conversations with a friend, therapist, or religious leader.

Given that continuity is so important, I would investigate strategies for providing as stable a preschool environment for your daughter as possible. Switching schools every week does sound challenging, so you and your wife should make certain that is the only arrangement possible before making that decision.

I have also included two articles below on helping children cope with divorce.

Best wishes,

L. Compian, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist
Education.com