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Mother23
Mother23 asks:
Q:

How can I help my child gain more confidence? At school? At home? New environments?  

My child is a sensitive child. She is 6 yrs. old. We have taught her to play fair, manners, and how to be respectful of others. She has such great leadership qualities, but I don't have the answers to help her when there are problems with friends. She feels like she plays fair with her friends. She says she follows their rules when they choose a game, but when it is her turn to choose the game, the girls runaway or speak over her. I have witnessed this. She has such a sweet personality. She has some close girls that she talks about in her classroom, but this happens when all the girls come together  at recess. She says she doesn't want to tell because she thinks that is tattling. But, I am terrified of people running over her b/c of her sweet personality. I have seen girls in her preschool hit her. My personality is not like hers. I much more outspoken and I just want her to take up for herself. But she is so sweet she says we will just pray for them. I am so scared of her teenage years of boys taking advantage or girls peer pressuring her. She wants to please everyone. I need some advice. I want my baby to be strong when I am not with her and I want her to continue to talk to me like she is now. Her confidence is becoming stronger. She will now walk up to children and ask if she can play, but I have witnessed and she has told me that some kids tell her no. But mainly it is when she tries to talk to older kids. I love her. It just breaks my heart when I hear this from her.
In Topics: Self esteem and identity
> 60 days ago

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Expert

AnnieFox
May 12, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Of course you are hurt to see your daughter being treated rudely or unfairly! Just reading your descriptions of some of the behaviors she's experienced made me want to give those kids a "course correction" ASAP. But I'm not the adult in charge. Since these things are happening at school (I assume) my question is: How much is the teacher aware of? You say you daughter is reluctant to report these behaviors because she believes this is "tattling." I strongly suggest that you help her differentiate between "tattling" (intentionally making trouble for someone over a behavior that is inconsequential) vs. standing up for yourself (getting an adult involved over a behavior that is disrespectful and/or aggressive.) A good 1st grade teacher knows (s)he is in the business of building character at least as much as teaching phonics. But the teacher cannot do his/her job of teaching good character and citizenship of he/she isn't aware that a child needs a course correction. In the same way that your daughter came to you with these reports of unfairness... so you could do your job, which is to a) keep her safe and b) teach her to respect herself enough to stand up and speak out when injustice is being done to her or others.

So, please, deal with what's going on at school. Also, I'd suggest you find some out-of-school activities for your daughter to participate in. She needs a place to have fun and meet new kids her age who will be more accepting of her friendship. But even with a fresh start, it's really important that your daughter understand what it means to be her own best friend first.

There are many wonderful books on friendship that are written for 1-3rd graders. Talk with your local children's librarian for some suggestions. When you read the books together at home, talk about what it means to be a real friend to others and to yourself.
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Additional Answers (2)

silverkitty
silverkitty , Student writes:
You have taught her well manner. If you see a child hit her I would call them out on it or tell  the parents. Every night I would assure your child how special she is ... list some qualities tell her how much you love her (which I am sure you do but try to do it even more, It will make her feel more confident about herself). I would also  tell her that she shouldn't let the other girls hit her or run over her. I would explain that this isn't what friends do and if they do this to her they are not good friends.  I was teased allot (slapped and bullied some too) but I was never taught that it was not what friends did so I let it go on until I was 14 when I made better friends . I also never told my parents but that was because we never had a strong bond. They never really talked to me about stuff like this so I never told them. If you tell your child about this early on and strengthen your communication with her then she will be more willing to tell you and you can find a way in which both of you can solve this problem together. I would also tell her about the difference between tattling and telling someone when people are being mean, that way she would see telling someone this stuff isn't wrong. I hope this helped some.
> 60 days ago

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BlessedandThankful
BlessedandT... writes:
I am going through the same thing. I will not allow other people to take out the wonderful things that are in my daughter we are telling and saying at 7 I don't like how you are treating me !!!!She is now playing with other people. Those girls are still mean ,but she choose to ignore their words and then tell on them when it gets to be too much to ignore!!! Thank you so very much for letting me know that I am on the correct path with my daughter those other little girls have to grow up !!! My daughter does not have to be a victim she does have a voice!!!!
8 days ago

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