I'm sorry that you had to experience your child saying they hate you.  Don't feel alone, it happens at some point to almost all parents.  Typically they say that for the most ridiculous reason, which is even more frustrating!!  It's great that you recognize that your childs' words weren't necessarily directed at you since they stated they not only hated you, but the dog too!!  Even if it isn't personal, it doesn't mean it hurts any less.  You have to remember that a 5 yr. old is still learning how to handle conflict, and they are going to do and say things they may not really mean or understand.

Like you, many parents who have been in the same situation, calmly handle it, then quietly feel sad and hurt by their child's words afterwards.  You handled it great by not blowing things out of proprotion and getting extremely upset or yelling.  It sounds like things turned out positive because your child was able to calm down and apologize for their words and actions relatively quickly.  The next step is to tell your child almost exactly what you wrote..........that saying they hate someone is very powerful and hurtful.  Explain how saying "I hate you" can make people feel.  Tell him that saying things like that is not an appropriate way of hadling his anger when he's around family or friends.  Explain that his friends are less likely to want to play with him if he says hurtful things like that on a regular basis.  Follow that by giving him other ways of coping with his anger.  

Hopefully after having this conversation with him you won't experience any repeat performances...............at least until his teenage years :)  wink wink.

Take Care,
Boys Town National Hotline
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Hello and first let me commend you on dealing with a "heart -tugging" situation beautifully!  It is so hard to parent, especially when you love your child but cannot believe they could so "easily push buttons" which resulted in hurt.  But, don't fear.  This is normal and due more to social maturity.  He obviously does not "hate" you, but disliked immensely the situation and did not quite have the right coping mechanisms in his repertoire of behaviors...yet.

You may wish to use play to help create scenarios for your son to learn some coping skills for any future awkward moments when he is jealous, upset or feeling that life is "unfair". Try and set up make-believe situations.  For example, he can be the parent and you can be the child.  Then pretend different circumstances (such as a sibling getting an extra privilege than he does not receive due to age differences) and how to react. You can show him positive and negative responses and discuss each.  Make sure and give him some useful phrases or feeling words, such as "That is not-fair and it makes me very unhappy" or "If "brother" is sleeping at a friends can we have a special game night at home?" in order to help him add to his knowledge base of how to work through times of feeling upset.

Also, use natural circumstances as teaching moments.  Perhaps you are in the mall and see siblings fight, a child act displeased and/or unkind, etc.  Discuss this with your son and then try and help him figure our more appropriate ways to respond.  

I also love the Faber and Mazlish series of books about sibling relationships.  I highly recommend, Siblings Without Rivalry.

Good luck!

Louise Masin Sattler, NCSP
Nationally Certified School Psychologist
Owner of Signing Families
http://www.SigningFamilies.com