Dear Pauleen,

What a great question! I believe that every child needs unconditional love AND structured limits and consequences. Parents set clear limits with consistent consequences and rewards. When children cross a limit, they are lovingly disciplined with a consequence that is appropriate for the child's age (e.g, the length of the time-out correlates with the child's age). This type of parenting is referred to as "Authoritative" and research has shown that parents who embody the spirit of authoritative parenting consistently have children with positive outcomes (e.g., higher self-esteem, good behavior, more friends, etc) relative to the children with parents who follow a different parenting style. For more on this, see the article below.

Thus, my vote for what every child needs is tons of love with clear limits and consequences.

L. Compian, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist
Education.com