Anonymous
asks:
Q:
Should I be concerned that my 12 year old boy has a 15 year old "girlfriend"?
He also has an almost obsessive interest in skateboarding and snowboarding. He never has had the greatest friends - and he doesn't make friends easily. Now, however, he has all new "friends" - that I'm not comfortable with. Many of his "friends" are high schoolers and even kids that have graduated that hang out at the skate park. His new closest friends have behavior and family issues. His grades are not good. We've been struggling with that for a couple of years and this year is terrible. He is easily distracted and doesn't seem to care about school.
But, this new "girlfriend" is concerning to me. What does a 15 year old girl see in a 12 year old boy? He's "cute" but certainly not physically or emotionally mature for his age. Her older brother is not getting married b/c his girlfriend is pregnant - and she (the girlfriend) is very happy and excited about this. Another red flag for me.
In Topics:
Teen issues
But, this new "girlfriend" is concerning to me. What does a 15 year old girl see in a 12 year old boy? He's "cute" but certainly not physically or emotionally mature for his age. Her older brother is not getting married b/c his girlfriend is pregnant - and she (the girlfriend) is very happy and excited about this. Another red flag for me.
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (4)
Yes, as a parent I would be very concerned. He's just 12, too young to be so serious. Concentrate on helping him to improve his grades and as square as this may sound to him, try to find something that you as a family can do together to learn more about your child. A parent should be their child's friend first in my opinion. Get to know your child, if anyone should know them it should be you. As much as they push you away(if at all) try and keep trying.
> 60 days ago
Hi - This sound very familiar, same age, similar issues, but it's never too late, by my own experience I can tell you those older "friends" needless to mention the "girlfriend" are not and will not be a positive influence to your son. However, by telling your son this it won't work I ask God for wisdom every day...show him your love and do something together you both enjoy, keep him busy even if you feel overwhelmed, talk to him about the consecuences of making poor choices. Taking away priviledges and negotiating with my teen has helped us. I hope this helps.
> 60 days ago
you should be ur his mom u have every right to be...you shouldnt try to make them split up unless you feel that its ruining his life but if hes really happy then you shouldnt. you coud try to reason but i doubt itll work if hes headstrong.you could try to find him a new girlfriend that can make him happy and give him priviliges that wil make him feel s if HE'S 15 and shes 12...make him feel confident ...just a suggestion
> 60 days ago
This is a tough situation for a parent to be in. We may like to think we control our children but often we find that we actually don't. A few thoughts from people smarter than me: People buy from people they like. Again, "People buy from people they like". This is true more often than not and very crucial. Teenagers rebel, but often not against the people they like and respect. If you want to sell an idea to your son about a better life, they don't skip over the rapport step. It will go a long way in getting him to buy into your idea if he has respect for you. Example, your son believes he is happy with the new friends. It is good making new friends. It is good to be able to befriend those older than you. Comment positively on the small accomplishments in his life. Not praising him for his poor choices may have as much or more impact than discouraging poor choices. Be smart, praise him for things that he has done that may lead him away from this situation, such as small accomplishments with academics and sports. Let him see you praising the good actions of others as well. We all want praise. If he sees you thanking someone who has done something nice to you, this can also encourage positive behavior. Setting boundaries will no doubt be part of what you need to do to guide him and cannot be overlooked, but these boundaries usually lead to resentment. Positive reinforcement can help to lead him in the right direction as well as help maintain a loving, respectful relationship that will be needed. I believe that children need love, discipline, encouragement and punishment. I believe that they need to be protected as well as they need to make their own mistakes. It is the excruciating job of the parent to determine at what time and to what extent each of these things are needed to help a child grown. Good luck.
> 60 days ago
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