The specific reasons behind bullying are limitless. Chances are, for this little girl, is that she may not be getting her basic, emotional needs met at home and her verbal skills are not yet matured enough to show her frustrations. Her constant need for attention, positive or negative, is a direct result of her behavior.

We would suggest teaching some skills that reinforce appropriate behavior.  Sending a note home with all parents to let them know you are working on this at daycare will hopefully spark them to try it at home. You could make this a whole class activity.  This way you get everybody involved and it can be a win-win situation.

Remember that you are working with younger children so these skills will have to be introduced one at a time and practiced constantly.  You may have to simplify them to fit your environment.  One way to practice these skills with younger children would be to make a game out of it.  Playing "Simon Says" is a great way to introduce these skills and practice them on a regular basis.

We suggest using three simple steps to teach these skills;
1.)  Describe the positive behavior you want your child to do.
Be clear and specific with your expectations.
"When I ask you to stop playing I want you to stop what you are doing and look at me.

  1.  Look at the person who is talking to you.
  2.  Say "okay".
  3.  Do the task immediately.
  4.  Let us know when you are finished  

2.)  Give a reason.  Make it a kid reason, one that shows the benefit to her.
"If you can do the task like that without getting upset, you can get back to what you were doing or we can do something else that is fun.

3.)  Practice what you just taught her to do.
" Now lets try that.  Please pick up that book. Show me what you are going to do when you hear me ask.   Use those three steps we just talked about.

When playing "Simon Says" you would obviously introduce one skill at a time such as , "Simon says sit down...simon says put your listening ears on (teach them to act like they are putting their ears on).  Make it simple and fun and praise them throughout the game.
 
After you all practice praise them for the practice and practice frequently.  Make it fun and keep it brief. You can use the three steps to teach other social skills as well including teaching them to stay calm when they start to get upset.

As for the aggressive behavior, keep trying to redirect.  When you notice she is getting aggressive or going to spit or hurt someone, stop her immediately.  Give her a verbal command such as "Not Nice" and make her step away from the action, and sit with hand on her lap and practice counting up to 10.  Do this everytime you catch her engaging in this behavior.

We hope this helps.  If you have any further questions or need some more detailed suggestions, please don't hesitate to give us a call and talk with one of our counselors.  We are here 24/7.

Sincerely,
Naina, counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000