can't control my 9 years old son

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samsoum asks:

My 9 year old son has had a behavior problem from the time he was four. He is very intelligent. He has the highest test scores in his grade. But he is the most disruptive. He fights w/ other children and hurts them. He walks out of school. Has absolutely no respect for authority. He has been thrown out of three schools. He has only a 4yr old brother, he is afraid of him and avoid him. He is physically abusive toward him. I am very affectionate with my children but he has abnormal sexual feelings for me. It makes me very uncomfortable. He thought that he is the boss and is going to do what ever he wants. He has been seeing a psychologist ever since. He is very manipulative. He has to have my undivided attention. His Dr. is hesitant to label him but I am afraid he will seriously hurt my other children. He has no fear of punishment or fear of anything else for that matter. I am afraid of my own son. He seems to be emotionally detached. There is no history of abuse sexual or physical that I am aware of. I need help! I don't know how to help him! The Dr. doesn't seem to be doing enough. And he was highly recommended. I don't what to do. Any advice?

In Topics: Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline

May 18, 2011

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What the Expert Says:

Dear Samsoum,

If the treatment your current doctor is providing is not helping your son, then you have every right to obtain a second opinion or a third if necessary, until you find the best course of treatment for your son. Just because a doctor comes highly recommended does not mean the doctor is right for your son and his particular needs. You mentioned that your doctor is hesitant to label your son. However, an accurate diagnosis will make a world of difference for your son and your entire family. Without a proper diagnosis it is difficult to know what course of action to take.

It is important that your son's behaviors get under control so he can function in school. If he continues to behave this way at school his high IQ will not help him. What is called EQ or emotional intelligence becomes more important as a child grows. Your son needs to learn new ways of behaving and interacting with others. It might be the case that your son needs a non-traditional school setting which is less chaotic, but nothing will change until he receives an evaluation and proper diagnosis.

We are very concerned that you and your children are afraid of your son. You also mentioned that your son has abnormal sexual feelings toward you. Please make sure the therapist and doctors you are working with know this. The professionals involved need to know all the information so they can decide on the best methods to help your son.

At Boys Town we help parents every day who are struggling with their children. Please call or e-mail our Hotline and a counselor will listen and help you decide how to best help your son. We also has a great website you may find helpful: www.parenting.org

Please keep reaching out and don't give up hope! Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
hotline@boystown.org

Resources:

www.parenting.org

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Additional Answers (2)

Sarpax writes:

I have a chat forum and sibling rivalry happens to be the topic this week. It may help you. My son has special needs and behavior problems which I discuss a lot on this forum. www.snparentalsupport.proboards.com

> 60 days ago

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Sarpax writes:

Also, if the doctor is hesitant to label him you should take him to another doctor. Your describing things I've gone through with my son. I was fortunate though because he was diagnosed with his disorders starting at 2 yrs.

> 60 days ago

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