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Kalise22
Kalise22 asks:
Q:

Convincing my mom to give me more freedom?

Im 17. Im a girl and i live with my single mother who works very hard and goes to school. Maybe im just being selffish. But ive never gotten a chance to hang out with my friends outside of school because my mom is too overprotective. I cant go to someones house and cant invite anyone over either. Ive never been to a school dance because she always wants to chaperone; so i just decide not to go. (she even said she was going to my prom!!). I get good grades in school and dont get into trouble. Ive just stopped asking her to hang out with friends because she always gets irritated about it and says that they dont care about me and cant do anything for me anyway. She's met my closest friend before (who's 19) and wont let me hang out with her even if its just taking a walk around my neighborhood (when i have nothing else to do). Plus, i get invited to things all the time but my mom thinks her and i should hang out more but im around her ALL the time!! Or she'll make me spend time with my family; which is fine but im the only child, grand-daughter, and neice so im just sitting around listening to adults talk about boring things. Is my mother wrong?Please help.
Member Added on Aug 10, 2012
Well first of all thanx for the advice. Im never allowed to have friends over at my house and i CANT go to any one else's house. I asked her yesterday if i could go to the movies with my friend next week and she said no cuz Its not productive and she thinks im up to something besides just innocently going to the movies. (really???!?!!) and she said she doesnt think im too young. She also said that she doesnt understand why i would want to spend extra time with my friend if i see her all day everday at work and i can hang with her on my lunch break. And yes im going to college
Member Added on Aug 10, 2012
She also wants me to find friends with my same morals and values. Am i missing something?? Because im really tyring to understand her point of veiw and im not getting it. We talked about this for 2 and a half hours yesterday
Member Added on Aug 10, 2012
I turn 18 in june. Do i still have to listen to her then?
In Topics: Teen issues, Teen sexuality and dating, Single parent families
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Aug 10, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Yeah, we can certainly understand why you would be seeking more freedom.  As to whether your mother is rightor wrong, this isn't really a situation where theyre is a right or wrong, just different perspectives.  Some may say your mother is overprotective while otehrs may say she is taking exceptional care to make sure you are safe.  Some may think that teenagers should be given limited freedoms while others may say, let them experience more of the world for themselves.  Whetehr she is right or wrong, we aren't asure of what differentce the judgment would make.  You'd be inthe same spot, kinda stuck.  When do you turn 18?  When you turn 18, legally you get lots more freedom because your parents are no longer legally responsible for you.  Also moving out means more freedoms, and that could be right around the corner depending on what your future plans are.  

We aren't sure if it will work, but if you would like more freedoms you could ask your mother what you could do to earn those freedoms.  Ask her if there is anything you could do so that you could go to prom unchaperoned or spend time over at a friend's house.  When you offer to do something in exchange for freedoms it shows yo are willing to work at it.  Parents like that because it demonstrates work ethic and a give and take relationship.  Ask her if extra chores, responsibiltes, or anything else that you could do could compensate for some freedom.  

Also get involved at school with lots of activites and maybe get a part time jobor start volunteering.  These are ways that you could maybe get out of the house and meet some new friends.  

You sound like a very respectful young lady.  You have a bright future!  Please take care and remember that you can call the Boys Town National Hotline 24 hours a day at the number below, free of charge.  We are here to help, you are not alone!

Counselor, NZ

Boys Town National Hotline-A Resource for Parents and Teens
www.YourLifeYourVoice.org
1-800-448-3000
Friend us on FACEBOOK today &
Access the live on-line support feature on www.yourlifeyourvoice.org  8-11p CST M-Th

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Additional Answers (2)

niecole
niecole writes:
Socializing is very important because it not only teaches you valuable life lessons but you start to lean who you are and who you want to become based on actions of other people, good and bad influences.  Being social provides people with skills necessary to be able to participate in our own society.  Socializing also is the most influential learning process one can experience. (Billingham, M. (2007) Sociological Perspectives p.336 In Stretch, B. and Whitehouse, M. (eds.) (2007) Health and Social Care Book 1. Oxford: Heinemann.) Unlike other living species, whose behavior is biologically set, humans need social experiences to learn their culture and to survive.

But your question is how to convince your mom that you need a social life?  Do some research.  Provide her some hard documented facts why you need to be able to go out and do stuff.  There is a lot of research done and published on-line as to why socializing is beneficial.

Maybe ask your mom if you could invite a friend over for dinner.  Maybe see if she will start slow, and allow you to be in a control environment (ie home) when she is around.

If she still will not let you socialize then I am sorry to say, her house, her rules (though I don't agree with them, maybe she has her reasons).  Respect her decision and know that you have another year or two until you go to college (you are going to college right young lady?)
> 60 days ago

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Dasiamariee
Dasiamariee writes:
I'm almost 17 and my mom won't let me go to my friends house and it gets really annoying but you just have to catch ur mom in a good mood spend time with her durning the week then on like wenseday or Thursday ask her
3 days ago

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