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Anonymous
Anonymous asks:
Q:

when should a counselor get involved with cyberbullying?

This weekend was the homecoming dance. My son attended homecoming with a mixed group of kids. Initially, this group was too large and those that had dates decided to eat elsewhere leaving the non date kids together.  

This second group is comprised of girls that attend a different high school that just want to have a date so to be admitted into the dance. Only a student attending the high school can purchase a ticket for only one other person/date.

Unfortunately, a girl has claimed my son as her date but my son has never asked her to homecoming. He did not know he had a date to homecoming until she placed on facebok that my son purchased a triple mum for her. My son was shocked because he did not buy her anything. My son has had minimal communication w/the girl.

This second group of kids is comprised of students I do not know, I told my son that he is not allowed to go plus the girl that is claiming my son as her date is too overbearing.  My son was asked by another group to attend their homecoming dinner and he accepted. The overbearing girl received an admittance ticket from a friend. My son ignored her at the dance and vice versa. The next day on facebok this girl was mad at me for not allowing my son to go with her group to dinner. She used very bad vulgar language and lied about the entire situation on facebook Should I contact the my school counselor about this situation because people think my son is lying and not her. He has not facebooked her at all.
In Topics: Cyber bullying
> 60 days ago

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Expert

AnnieFox
Oct 24, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

This is not cyberbullying. This is the case of a child who was fantasizing about a boy, a homecoming dance and a flower. Things didn't work out the way she imagined so the child got angry. You are an adult and should not engage in this any further. I'm glad that your is not communicating with her. You shouldn't either. Let it be. It will blow over.

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Additional Answers (3)

Boys Town National Hotline
Thanks for writing in with your question about this very current topic.
Bullying whether physical, emotional, sexual or cyber is unacceptable and needs to be stopped.

As an adult involved in a teenage issue, it may be easier for you to identify what this girl wants with her inappropriate language and dishonesty. If her feelings were hurt because she didn't have a date or she is angry because your son did not cooperate with her manipulative tactics, she may be retaliating by using what she thinks will have the greatest effect on him and on you.

You mentioned that your son has not had contact with her on face book. Are you monitoring hers or how are you keeping informed of this information?

If your son is suffering from her actions there are actually two things that can be done.

One is to encourage him to ignore her and her comments. If he is confronted by someone who has read the lies, he can very briefly inform them that they are not true and walk away. To offer an explanation or attempt to turn others against her would be lowering himself to her same level.

The other action that could be taken is talking to the school counselor as you have suggested. You mentioned that this girl attends a different school than your son. Talking with the counselor at his school may provide both you and your son with some examples of similar situations that the counselor has experienced in the past and how they were handled.

Hopefully her behaviors are not controlling you or your son. If they are, work to regain control and not to allow her to have that much power over others.

Pat, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
> 60 days ago

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Haltnow
Haltnow writes:
Education can help considerably in preventing and dealing with the consequences of cyberbullying. The first place to begin an education campaign is with the kids and teens themselves. We need to address ways they can become inadvertent cyberbullies, how to be accountable for their actions and not to stand by and allow bullying (in any form) to be acceptable. We need to teach them not to ignore the pain of others.


http://www.haltnow.ca/bullying/46-cyberbullying/99-preventing-cyberbullying.html
> 60 days ago

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#1 mom
#1 mom writes:
Now.
 
Please don't delay.  Involve any and everyone affiliated with Anti-Bullying Laws.  Check on line for resources available in your state.
> 60 days ago

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