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Vivian:)
Vivian:) , Student asks:
Q:

Do you think that it is OK to date without telling your parents?

WELL IM IN HIGH SCHOOL AND IVE BEEN DATING WITHOUT MY PARENTS KNOWING DO U THINK THATS RIGHT?
In Topics: Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 16, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

It is not a good idea to date without your parents knowing.  One reason is that by going behind their backs, you are not respecting your parents because you are not being honest with them about how you are spending your time.  

You want your parents to be able to trust you, in the same way you want to trust them.  By being honest with your parents, no matter how difficult the situation may be, chances are they will trust you more in the long run if you tell them the truth, rather than if they find out later that you lied to them.    

Many parents give their children a certain age when they can start dating.  If that is your situation, then you should be respecting that age limit.  If there is another reason why you have not told your parents, like you are afraid they won’t like your boyfriend, you can talk to your parents about him in advance before they meet him.  You can help them get used to the idea of you dating as well as help them understand your boyfriend a bit more.

So, please take the next step and tell you parents that you are dating someone.  Ifyou would like to discuss the situation over with one of our counselors, we talk to teenagers in situations like yours every day.  We are here 24 hours to listen and to help, either by phone or by e-mail.  

Take care and best wishes to you!
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (7)

Maribelly
Maribelly writes:
Vivian i think that u should ask ur parents if you could date. dont be afraid to ask them because even if dey dont ask its lieing... if your parents dont let you date then demonstrate to them that u are mature enough and that you are able to do good n skool and manage a boyfriend at the same time... =0
> 60 days ago

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fritzr
fritzr writes:
The most important thing a parent cares about when their children are out of their site is that they are safe.  Even though you have a boyfriend and you trust them it is always possible that bad things can happen.  I would much rather know my daughter was dating (even if I didn't like her choice of guy) than to find out she was dating behind my back.  I would be hurt she didn't feel she could trust me to share an important part of her life with me and I would be concerned something might happen to her without my knowledge.  Honesty is always the best course.
> 60 days ago

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spudmommy
spudmommy writes:
What it comes down to is that your parents can be there to help you when you need it the most when dealing with relationships.  When I was high school, I never understood my parents rules of dating but 10 years later do I see now, more than ever, their good intentions and reasoning.  If in the unlikely event a relationship should sour horribly you will have their support because you were upfront since the beginning from dating.  We have a wealth of knowledge in this area and will be keen to spot abusive behavior, bring unbelievable support for pregnancies or STD's.  BTW, parents have more wiggle room than you think (regarding rules) if you're honest and responsible.  They'll reward with you the freedom just please please respect their rules if they do decide to let you date, like curfew and such.  So be brave, and go present your case of love to your parents!
> 60 days ago

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elizabeth18
elizabeth18 writes:
I am in middle school and I am dating an amazing guy that I love, but my parents don't know I'm dating him. I have been with him for over a month now and it's going grate. I'm afraid to tell my mom, because I think she will yell and not understand why I want a boyfriend and I think she will start asking all of these questions. What should I say to her about my boyfriend and what do I say if she starts asking questions?
> 60 days ago

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Cool2121
Cool2121 writes:
I am on the same page, cause I am going to middle school and I need some advice on how to date, cause one of my friends are madly in love with someone, but their religion says strictly she can't and if her parents find out, she is in big trouble.
> 60 days ago

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zuena
zuena writes:
No, it's not right. u should have told yo parents b'se they may give u advise on yo relationship.
> 60 days ago

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samani0o
samani0o writes:
Honestly, I don't think parents have to know every little detail in your life. My parents don't know half the stuff I do and who I hang out with. They haven't known from the time i was 11 till now (21). BUT I never lie when they ask. My opinion: you can date without telling your parents, but if you lie when they ask about it, it'll cause problems and stress within your family. So just be honest with them when they ask about it.
> 60 days ago

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