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elizabeth18
elizabeth18 asks:
Q:

I'm dating this guy and my parents don't know what should I do?

I am in middle school and I'm dating this guy I feel in love with. I'm afraid to tell my mom because I think she will yell at me and ask all these questions from no where. I want her to know about him but I don't know what to do if she ask questions and if she yells at me. What should I do if she thinks why do I want a boyfriend and ask questions about him and me and everything else and when she yells at me. I don't know what to do. What do you think I should do? We have been french kissing and making out what should I do?
In Topics: Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago

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Expert

AnnieFox
Feb 18, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

It sounds like you're the kind of girl who doesn't like keeping secrets from your mom. I admire that because it tells me you know secrets often lead to lying and that's going to stress you out. You want your mom to trust you. And in order for that to happen, you have to be trustworthy.

You say you're afraid "she will yell at me." Is that because you know your mom is against the idea of your dating at this time? Or are you just guessing she'd yell?

Here's the thing... Parents need to feel their kids are safe and parents will do whatever it takes to keep them safe. When tweens and teens start dating, parents often worry about the kind of choices their kids are making. (Yes, I'm talking about sex and partying in general.) Parents worry LESS when they know who you're going out with. They also worry LESS when they feel confident that you will follow their rules.

If you keep seeing this guy and messing around with him your mom is going to find out. Trust me on this one! It would be a lot better if you were the one to tell her about the guy. I'd suggest you have a calm and mature conversation about dating. Tell her that there's a guy that you like who likes you back and that you want your mom to meet him. That's a respectful way to deal with this. Hopefully she will agree to meet him and hopefully she will see what a good guy he is. (He IS a good guy, isn't he?)

Even if she likes him, there are no guarantees that she'll give her permission for you to date while you're still in middle school. If she says "Not yet." then I strongly suggest you listen. Otherwise you'll be doing stuff behind her back and that no way to build trust with your mom.
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Additional Answers (5)

Karenmom
Karenmom writes:
Hi Elizabeth18,

I don't understand how you are dating a guy and your Mom don't already know.  I'm sure she would like to involved in your life and know who your friends are, how you feel and what you do.  You are cheating her and yourself out of a great relationship by not letting her in on the details of your life.  Your Mother is your Mother and she wants to know that you will be safe, but your Mother is also the one person that you can always rely on and trust.  When others move on and they will, you will still have your Mom and she loves you unconditionally and forever.

Trust me, talk to your Mom, respect her feelings and let her know that it is important to you that she be involved in your life. Since, you have already allowed this to begin without your Mom's consent, I would suggest that you begin the conversation by just telling her about  this guy and what makes him special to you.  Let her know that you are interested in dating him and would like her to meet him to see if she thinks it's okay for you two to go out.

You seem like such a bright and loving girl, I would hate for you to cheat yourself and your Mom out of some of the best times in your life.  Remember, where you're at now, your Mom has been there too and understands and has a better insight from experience than any of your friends or even you.  Don't miss out on the friendship and knowledge that she has to offer you.

Tip:  This guy sounds wonderful or at least wonderful enough to win your heart, but so will the next guy, and the next guy and the next guy until you finally do meet the guy that you will spend your life with.  You're in middle school-it's extremely unlikely that this guy is it.  Trust me on this, but you only have one Mom and she will remain the same through all your boyfriends and proudly stand by you when it's time to make that life decision.  Don't rush it.  If she feels that now is not the right time for you to get involved with someone, she's right, if he is really as great as you think, he will be there waiting when the time is right and when he has your Mom's approval.  

Please read the article that I have made a link to below, it will give you tips that you NEED to know when dating.  

Best wishes!

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elizabeth18
elizabeth18 writes:
It's me again. I have been dating him for almost 4 years. His name is Jesus. He is tall, cool, has black hair, brown eyes, and he is Mexican. I try to start a conversation but she is always to busy. When is the best time to talk to her about Jesus?
> 60 days ago

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BrEyErH
BrEyErH writes:
All you need to do is say mom one of my friends asked me to be his girlfriend and she will say yeah that is all you need to say
> 60 days ago

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BurnHaloz
BurnHaloz , Student writes:
If you want it from a middle school-er perspective, (im an 8th grade dude though so it might be different) i went through the same exact thing with my girlfriend but i told my mom knowing she was going to think i was kidding so i asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come to my baseball game and she said yes so i tell my mom that she will see her at the game. At that point i thought i was the man with a plan but then i got scared because i was wondering what she was going to say after she finds out that im not joking. It all turned out fine and i got to meet my gf's mom and that was that. That night i went to her and said how come your're not upset like i thought she was going to be and she said she had already known so that means while i thought i was playing her she was playing me.
    So long story short, there's a 75% chance that she already knows.. Now all you have to worry about is getting him to meet your parents
> 60 days ago

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JamielaIsmail
JamielaIsmail , Teacher writes:
my motto is - lay all the cards on the table and tell your mom. she might not like it, but at least she will be able to give you the guidance.  telling her also stops you from having to lie every time when you go out.  Moms generally have an idea what their children are up to, but they like to be part of your lives and feel that you can speak to them.  so my dear, go and speak to your mum and you might be pleasantly surprised by the fact that she might be happy for you.  do the right thing and tell her.  its safe, its morally correct and you will feel way better.  dont be caught out where you become pregnant and then land her with the boyfriend - she will not be happy about that.  Better safe than sorry.  it is bound to come out sooner than later and its best to her from you than someone else.
> 60 days ago

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