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Emmasdaddy
Emmasdaddy asks:
Q:

My daughter is into her 2nd week of kindergarten and still crying and throwing a fit when my wife drops her off. What should we do?

She was fine for the first 3 days no crying, on the 4th day she started crying but not throwing a fit, that was the first week. At the start of the second week she started crying and throwing a fit. I think it's just seperation anxiety (she wants to be at home with mommy and her little brother) I just worry because she has diabetes and she has to go to the office to get checked at break time before she can go out and have a snack and play with the other kids and at lunch she has to get checked and get her insulin before she goes out to join her classmates. I just worry that maybe she is scared or feeling different than everyone in her class and is having trouble making friends.
In Topics: Kindergarten readiness, Self esteem and identity, Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Hand in Hand
Mar 11, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

When a child feels upset by separation, there are two kinds of causes. For instance, a parent goes to work, or must leave on a trip. A small hint of separation kicks up stored feelings. Putting a child to bed, going to another room, talking on the phone, or being rushed and overworked can open the floodgates to anxiety or grief that comes from earlier, more difficult separations.

Unresolved fears about separation are often at the root of difficult behaviors. When a child is loaded with feelings about separation, but doesn't get a chance to express them, he can't sense that he's safe. He can't think. He signals that he is "off track" when he:

    * Bites, hurts, or is forcefully "affectionate" with others.
    * Withdraws from others or excludes others in their play.
    * Wanders from one activity to another without paying attention to what he is doing.
    * Whines or balks or is picky, or needs a special object to keep him from feeling upset.

You can help a child work through his feelings about separation. The rest of our advice here http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/44/64/Healing-the-Hurt-of-Separation
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Additional Answers (6)

aqblickley
aqblickley writes:
Hi emmasdaddy,

I'm so sorry to hear that this is going on! It's painful to see little ones cry, especially when it's prompted by saying goodbye to Mom or Dad. It sounds like there may be two issues going on here: 1) separation anxiety at drop-off and 2) possible trouble fitting in with the other kids at school.

To minimize tears during drop-off and push her to interact with her peers, try sticking around for a little bit after you drop her off, to smooth the transition. Help her get involved in an activity or playtime with the other students, hang around for a few minutes, and then say a quick goodbye. Avoid sneaking off while she's distracted - that has the potential to make her suspicious and clingy in the future. Resist the urge to go back, even if she's crying. This only serves to make the inevitable goodbye much tougher.

As for helping her make friends, I suggest you talk to her teacher. He or she probably knows best who your child interacts well with. Together, you can promote positive interactions with these peers. And it's always a good idea to alert your child's teacher to the situation and get her input - she's likely to have more insight into how your child is feeling and acting throughout the school day.

Hope this helps, and thanks for using JustAsk!
> 60 days ago

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SingleMommy
SingleMommy writes:
I think she should stay home with her mom. Period. Why would you throw her in a kindergarten and why would you throw her in kindergarten knowing that she suffers from diabetes?
Please tell your wife to keep her home. Please.
> 60 days ago

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appu
appu , Student writes:
yes sir, your problem may be serious in your thought. but as far as concern to your problem you should ask her about her problem in alone .
and try to find the fills that she feels when she goes in the school. she has diabetes problem also, so there may be some type of problem that she could not tell u. so plese  try to find the diffrent activities that she does in her life.
> 60 days ago

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mommyof4boys1girl
mommyof4boy... writes:
Emmasdaddy- I have been an elementary school teacher for 14 years and have experienced many forms of seperation anxiety from kindergarteners, first, and second graders. This seems routine to me and hope I can ease some worries. Usually the first week, the kids are excited, nervous, but excited to try something new and meet new friends. By the second week, they realize that they have tried something new and, even though they may like it, have had enough and would rather return to their old routine with the caregiver. There are some helpful things that you can do to try and ease the 'permanent' situation of school. Because, SingleMommy, they NEED to go to kindergarten. It is not optional. Keep the goodbyes loving and sweet, but short enough to reassure her and then exit. I notice that the longer parents linger, the longer it takes for the child to adjust to the class. Talk with her teacher about it. If I see a child that is sad or worried, I give them a big helper duty that they can do every morning to help take their mind off their worries. You, or your wife, should talk to the school nurse and see if she would allow your wife to come for one of the times Emma needs to be checked. Maybe she would prefer her mommy to give her the insulin. If she is having trouble making friends, again, talk to her teacher about doing games that would allow more interaction between the students so that they may get to know each other and have fun together. I know this is a late answer, and I hope it has all worked out for you. Seeing that you are concerned, I imagine it has. =)
> 60 days ago

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ASloane700
ASloane700 , Parent, Teacher writes:
Every child is different but let me tell you something, my daughter had been in schools for years until I sent her to kindergarten and I was told that my daughter would eventually calm down...I watched for 30 days as my daughter not only freaked out, but eventually stopped talking altogether.  Like someone said before me, I took her home because I knew that she wasn't ready.  By the way, she is currently 12.5 and doing great!!  As I type this, she is behind me on the computer.  I don't regret my decision.  In our state, children don't have to be in school until the 1st grade but many people don't realize that at all!!  Good luck to you and I hope that everything works out for your daughter!!
> 60 days ago

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ASloane700
ASloane700 , Parent, Teacher writes:
Every child is different but let me tell you something, my daughter had been in schools for years until I sent her to kindergarten and I was told that my daughter would eventually calm down...I watched for 30 days as my daughter not only freaked out, but eventually stopped talking altogether.  Like someone said before me, I took her home because I knew that she wasn't ready.  By the way, she is currently 12.5 and doing great!!  As I type this, she is behind me on the computer.  I don't regret my decision.  In our state, children don't have to be in school until the 1st grade but many people don't realize that at all!!  Good luck to you and I hope that everything works out for your daughter!!
> 60 days ago

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