My daughter's applying to the same prvt school for K as her bully. Should I inform them about bully's behavior before they decide who to accept?

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workathomemom asks:

My daughter is being bullied in preschool right now. The school suspended the bully for 2 months but he's back now. The behavior is a little better but not totally gone. My daughter and the bully are both applying to the same private school for K. Should I inform the new private school of the bully's past before they make admissions decisions? (We like the school and want to send our daughter there but might not if the bully's also accepted.) We worry that by bringing it up before acceptances that it will reflect badly on her application and that she might not be accepted. Advice?

Question asked after reading: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Worki...

In Topics: Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Feb 15, 2011

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What the Expert Says:

It would be best to not give information about the other child to the school. Allow the school to determine who they will accept on their own. It is very possible that bringing it up could have a negative impact on both children's applications.

This is a new school and new atmosphere and it could be a fresh start for your daughter and possibly even for the bully. Allow the new school to see for themselves how the children interact and you will then see how the school handles conflict with their students. The children are still very young and much can change in the course of the next few years.

If both of the children are accepted and they end up in the same classroom, things may go back to the way they were between them, or they could completely change in the new atmosphere. Time will tell and hopefully the teachers will put a stop to any put downs or bullying. Keep the communication open with your daughter and if she appears upset and talks about the boy treating her badly, please talk to her teacher and at that point you can bring up their history.

For more parenting support and information, please contact our toll-free Hotline. We can be reached by phone or by e-mail. You can also go to our website for parenting tips. We are available 24 hours, 7 days a week to listen and provide assistance to parents with children of all ages.

Take care and best wishes to you and your daughter!

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Additional Answers (7)

4education writes:

I believe informing the school before acceptances will indeed reflect badly on your daughter's application. Let the school determine who they believe is the better fit for their institution. The problem may very well take care of itself and your daughter may be chosen and the bully is not accepted. But, it would not be wise to influence the outcome in any way.

> 60 days ago

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Karenmom writes:

Hi!
I agree that you should not do anything to influence the private school's decision on rather to accept a child or not. However, I believe that you can safely express your concerns without naming names. You may want to tell them that your daughter has been a victim of a bully in preschool, without pointing fingers, and you have concerns about this issue. Check to see what their policy is concerning bullies and what course of action do they take when a problem arises. After all, you are applying to this school and should be aware of their rules and policies. If the school does not offer a safe environment, then I would choose another school to apply for. Keep in mind, just as it is in public school, if there is a child that we prefer our children not to be around, we as parents, can't go and advise the principal to remove the other child, we instead have to be sure that precautions are being taken to keep all the children safe and mean while educate our children about all types of people and how important it is that they keep their self-confidence and simply ignore the poor behavior of others. Hope this was helpful and that your daughter finds a school that she and you will be satisfied with to provide her a great experience and education. Please, keep us informed.

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Gabby1021100 writes:

yes becuase the bully could be very mean to her and than she wont be able to focus in school

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jmamable , Caregiver writes:

Hi Workathomemom,
I don't think it would be wise to inform the school at this stage in her application process, as a commenter above said, the situation may resolve itself. However, if they both are accepted, it wouldn't hurt to talk to an instructor or staff member about their history before the year begins, so that they will be aware of the situation and can keep an eye on things, and hopefully stop disputes before they start.

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EdieRaether , Teacher writes:

My own thought is if they hold that against you, I would question if I wanted my child in that school. Think about it. Expressing a concern is not only a right but a responsibility!
What do you think?
Edie

Resources:

http://www.stopbullyingwithedie.com

http://www.wingsforwishes.com

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