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dolphintn03
dolphintn03 asks:
Q:

My daughter had to change schools and is now getting Ds and Fs when she used to be a b student.

my 6th grader recently found out that she would be changing schools at the end of the school term.  before the announcment she was a b student. now she is getting d's and f's..  it is not that she can not do the work.  she just does not turn in her work.  she said that she is changing schools in the summer and it does not matter, that she does not want to do the work.  i have tried everything from grounding to taking things away to total removial of all her "stuff" (computer, phone, tv, radio).  I have talked to her teachers, councler, and grand parents.  nothing is working. I am worried.

does anyone have any ideas or insite that may help

dayle, tennessee
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Feb 24, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

As a parent, you are doing what you can to help your daughter change her behavior and choices. Remember you can not make her change, but you can teach her that she is in control of her grades and her choices. Remaining consistent is the key. Keep reaching out to her and try and find the reason why she is choosing this path for herself.

Encourage her that she can make these changes for herself. Have you tried to find some things during the day when she is being good or making good decisions? Sometimes when kids are being very negative, it is very easy to keep focusing on the negative--she needs to know that she is being good sometimes. Positively reinforce her for every positive change/choice she makes. If she hands in her work, what can she earn? What is the most motivating for her? If she attends school, what can she earn? If she talks to you or counselor, what can she earn? Have her write a letter to you or journal her feelings so at least she is able to express her feelings. Tell her that her behavior is very concerning to you. You want to help her, but without knowing what is really bothering her it is difficult for you or anyone to help her.

She could be upset with the news of the school change, but right now you are unsure. If she is having a hard time accepting this decision, you can teach her that she accepts decisions all the time that she does not like. How has she been accepting her consequences and decisions to loose her privileges? Praise her for accepting these consequences and decisions, and she can earn some of those privileges back? Should she choose to make better decisions, review at the end of the week, and she can have limited time accessing her privileges.

You are making the right choice for yourself as a parent and reaching out for help. Keep talking to her teacher, counselor and the grandparents. Make sure you are all on the same page. If you need to talk to someone for further assistance, you can always call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We have counselors available 24/7. Our focus is helping kids and families. If your daughter is not willing to talk to you, she can call and talk with us. Take care and let us know if we can be of any other assistance to you and your daughter.
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Additional Answers (1)

Redwood_City_Mom
Redwood_Cit... writes:
Hi Dayle,

Can I ask why she's changing schools?  That's always a bit stressful for kids but it can be especially emotional if the school change is paired with another big life change (parents divorcing or a move to a new city).  I think kids that age tend to act like "they don't care" when they really care A LOT about something else happening in their lives.  Even if there's nothing else going on in your family, the idea of moving to a new school can give her a lot to worry about (trying to make all new friends, finding all the classrooms, and getting involved in new activities).  I know getting a girl this age to talk to you can be challenging but maybe if you can help her feel better about the other things she's thinking about she'll be in a better place to finish strong at her current school.  Moving to a new school may already feel like a "punishment" to her so adding extra punishments (taking away her "stuff") may just push her further away from you.

This is a tough situation...please let us know how you're all doing!

> 60 days ago

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