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Qtodie22
Qtodie22 asks:
Q:

My daughter is being mean to her cousin

My daughter who is otherwise a caring daughter, sister, friend has this negative relationship with her boy cousin. They are both 5 and we live next to each other. She only has one other cousin who lives further. I want them to develop a closer more caring relationship, but instead my daughter is mean and dominate toward him. He has his own issues...he doesn't stand up for himself...at school or with my daughter and they have developed this unhealthy relationship. My daughter is strong-willed and a little bossy but when it comes to her cousin I hate the way she acts. When all is well, they do play ok. She is in charge and he is just happy that she is paying attention to him. When she says something mean, he'll come to me and look like his world has fallen apart. She wants to play with him. She is always asking to go over and I know she does love him, but something takes over and makes her say the mean things and also play the "ignoring" game.

I've tried strong consequences, long talks where I've cried in front of her but I am so frustrated, and simply ignoring. Do I limit the relationship, ignore and let it be , or continue reminding her what to do. What about my nephew...how do I help him stand up???

I'm a school teacher...with I thought I had all the answers...but I am stumped. I don't know what to do.. I think its hurting our relationship that is otherwise positive and loving. Please help???In Topics: Discipline and behavior cha
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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JustMe05
JustMe05 writes:
Seems she may need to suffer consequences when she says ugly things.  When you hear it, or if the nephew tells you she's said something nasty, I'd put her in the corner...first offense would be 5 minutes, second 10 minutes, third 15, and so on.  I'm sure by the time she is up to 20 minutes (or even less), she'll catch on and make a more conscious effort to watch what she says.  Being a school teacher, I am sure you are aware that this punishment would have to be consistent - never give in, and never lessen the time.  I also have "corner rules."  No leaning against the wall or touching the wall at all, and arms must stay at their side at all times...or else I'll start adding 1 minute each time I catch her leaning or moving her arms around.  

I've been given custody of my 9-year-old niece who has extremely strange behaviors, as well as bad behavior in general.  When she first came to my home she thought she was going to run the show and say whatever she wanted to whoever she wanted.  She is said to have Asperger, but since being here for six months, she has changed drastically with consistent punishment.  She was often nasty to my son who is two weeks younger than her.  She spent quite a bit of time in the corner when she first came here, but now she stops and thinks before blurting out anything nasty to him and/or doing anything bad ;)
> 60 days ago

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MumofBailey
MumofBailey writes:
My 6yr old son is exactly the same. We live with my sister, her 5yr old son and 2yr old daughter. My son is socially confident and usually the most lovely of kids. But he can be so mean and nasty to my nephew. I'm not sure if it's a jealousy thing, or an anger issue.
He'll find any opportunity to lay crap on him. I just don't know what to do. I've also tried everything from laughing it off- making no big deal about it, crying and explaining how it hurts my feelings to see someone I love being hurt in that way. Just last night, we decided to write up some rules but I'm doubtful about whether this is going to work- nothing else has.
> 60 days ago

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aliyahalley
aliyahalley writes:
well i think give her a couple of chances and talk to her why she's being mean to her cousin. And if she keeps being mean take away her favorite toy for a day or 2.
                
                Love always,
          Aaliyah Alley :)
> 60 days ago

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