Hi Yadeline,

This sounds like a really tough situation.  Three year olds in the best of circumstances are no picnic (I have one of my own!) but it sounds like the adjustment to your family situation is making your three year old even trickier than most.  

I don't know what your relationship with your daughter's father is, but if you can do it, I think conversations with him are probably the right place to start.  Kids this age thrive on consistency so if things like rules, expected behavior, even meals and bedtime routines, are really different between the two houses, it could be enough to throw her off like this.  If you two can find ways to co-parent effectively it will really help your daughter.  Try to come to agreement about what's expected of her in BOTH houses, what the rewards will be when she behaves as expected and what the consequences will be if she doesn't.   Make sure things are as close to the same as possible in both houses (bed time is a great example).   If either of you are being lenient to her to try to make her "like you more" you're not doing her any favors in long run.

There are lots of great co-parenting resources on the web.  We have this article about the benefits of taking co-parenting classes (http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Co_Parenting_Divorce/).  If you do a web search on co-parenting you'll find lots more.  

If you and your daughter's father absolutley can't work together to have things be consistent between your houses, then the best you can do is make sure you're really consistent in your own house.   You may have to talk to her about it and say something like "I know that's allowed at Daddy's house but it's not ok to do here.  I know that's hard to understand but that's the way it is."  Do your best to stick to routines and have consistent rewards/consequences for her behavior.  If you're more "strict" then her dad, she'll probably continue to act out like this for a while.  If you stick with it, eventually she'll appreciate that she knows what's expected of her and her behavior will improve.  Kid this age really do want to do what's right and she needs your support in learning how.

Good luck and please let us know how you're both doing.

Kat
Education.com Community Team

Your question is very similar to my situation as well.  My son is 4 1/2 now and I have lived apart from his father since he was 2 1/2.  It was actually really easy at first, when he was younger and more dependant.  As he gets older however he is learning what he can and can't get away with at mom's vs dad's house.  
I have always struggled with his father and trying to get him to be more strict and scheduled with our son.  Give him rules and a bed time, not just fun and games non stop.  He has reasured me that he tries but our son's behavior often tells a different story.  To the point of him crying when he realizes that Mommy is picking him up instead of Daddy.  This at first was heartbreaking for me.  I felt I might be doing something wrong and that my son didn't want to be with me.  
Now however I realize that he can't grasp the concepts of responsibilities, work, divorce, etc.  He's just a kid who wants to have fun.  Daddy lets him do whatever he wants at his house so of course he wants to be there!  
After the first night back at mom's things always change for the better however.  Living in two seperate homes has to be terribly hard on a young child.  I've had him cry because he didn't want to leave my house one night as well.  Its hard, and most likely, always will be.  
I agree with the previous poster however that consistency is key in getting a better response from your child.  Let her know your there for her and you always will be.  Eventually your consistency will be appreciated and will make her a more well rounded person over all.  Daddy's house will always be more relaxed and fun but her foundation will always be with you.

I am in the same boat. I have two kids. My 12 year old lives with his dad because he didn't want to change schools. My 3 year old little girl (from 2nd husband) adores her father. His life is a bit of a mess. I have our daughter 90% of the time. He will call me just to tell me she doesn't want to go home to me. But when I see her she doesn't fuss and runs to me. I have told him numerous times that giving our little 'princess' everything she wants and letting her rule him makes it hard on not only me, but her as well. It forces her to adjust to mom's house after long weekends at daddy's. I am at my wit's end with the disrespectul and nasty attitude. I am more strict than daddy. My daughter has a nightly routine in which her dad doesn't. She knows it's bath/shower, brush teeth, story, hugs and kisses, then bedtime. It is very frustrating that she gets mad at me and says she wants her daddy. Now I find out from daycare she is a little bit mean to the kids and insists on having a toy or game NOW! This is not like my sweet girl who is 3 but seems to be a compact 15 year old girl destined to rule the world. I think what the other people are saying is all we can do, stick to the routine and tell our kids what is not ok at Mom's house even if it's ok at Dad's house. I believe it's always in the best interest of the child to have similar routines but if that can't happen, I guess the moms have to deal with the backlash. This is unfortunate. It seems the mom's time will come eventually and our kids will appreciate our consistency. It's hard not to give in but on the other hand it's harder to deal with the kid that always gets their way. Best of luck!

I have had a daughter who has gone back and forth between her father and I since she was 3 years old. At first things were much the same way but I found with a lot of Love and special attention things get a lot better. The first day is always the toughest and some time out worked for me. The hardest part for me was trying to figure what she was seeking. One day after she returned we sat and colored and she drew what went on at her Dads house and through play she repeated a lot of issues I never knew she had. I had to give her my undivided attention for about 30 minutes right when she returned and things slowly got better. Just imagine her life of relocating and try to have patience.  I would also speak to her father and ask how she is when she first gets at his house. Maybe there is a pattern to her behavior. Good Luck

have you asked your child why she's so angry with you? ask her if anything happens when she goes to her dad's, if anyone has said anything about keeping secrets, to tell you cuz all mommy's have to know kid's secrets to help keep them safe.