moonpie2010 asks:

My daughter is getting picked on at school and nobody will do anything!

My daughter is getting picked on at school by another girl. This girls mom is on the pto and is friends with the teachers and school board members, her grandfather is also the preacher at our local church so they are "pillars" of the community so nobody believes that this "good girl" is bullying my daughter! I was picked on in school to the point that when I turned 16 I quit. I now have anxiety of people there for I break down when I go talk to the teacher and cry because I fill my daughter's pain. They think we are to sensitive! I don't know what to do. I want to be strong for my daughter but I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall! Yesterday the girl pushed her out of her chair and today she threatened to beat her up and even said that she knew nothing would happen to her because everyone is on her side because my daughter is annoying that is what she told my daughter! Any one have any advice?
In Topics: School and Academics, Working with my child's teacher(s), Back to school
> 60 days ago



Oct 25, 2010
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What the Expert Says:


Girls can be as mean as boys.  I am so sorry your daughter is being bullied and that it is bring up feelings from your past.  First thing you need to do is hug your daughter.  Tell her you are trying hard to get help, and she needs to keep the lines of communication up.  Remind her that you are going to be there for her.  (Tell her often.)

Here are a few suggestions I have given other parents that seem to be helpful.

Set up a meeting with the administration and teachers - again. Find out what the anti-bullying plan for the school.   Ask lots of questions like:
What steps will you take to make sure my daughter is safe?
When my daughter reports a bullying incident, what happens?
What happens to the bully?
Are parents of the bully contacted?
When my daughter is bullied, do I need to fill out any forms reporting this situation?
Can I get a copy of the plan?
Where can I find a copy of the school's bullying policy?
Do you find my daughter annoying?  If so ask for examples.
Do you know why others would want to pick on her?

Go to the School Improvement meeting.  This is usually a small group made up of teachers, administrators, parents and community members.  They make long term goals for the school and one of them might be about having a safe learning environment.  Get them involved.  Ask them how they can help keep all of the students safe.  

If your daughter is attacked or physically hurt be sure the authorities are contacted and changes are filed.  Whether you go through with any legal action is up to you, but make sure you have a paper trail.  (This goes for the school decisions, too.)  You don't want it to come down to a he said, she said situation with nothing to back up your story.  

Start a journal.  Keep track of these types of incidents. Record when, where and what happened. Jot down names of those involved.  Try to keep emotions out of it and just stick to the facts.  Take pictures if necessary.

Talk with the other parents to see if any of them will join you in protecting the students.  Get their stories - first hand accounts.  Then as a group go to the administration.  It will help if you go in their with proof and in numbers.

Empower your daughter.  Encourage her to say things to the girl after an incident like, "Please don't do that." or "That wasn't very nice."  

I'm sorry this has happened to your daughter.  Keep after the school and make sure they follow through with their plan. has fantastic resources for you to access.

Hope this helps.  Now go hug your daughter!

Barb Kruger

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