UpsetMom
asks:
Q:
Why is my daughter always being teased?
My daughter is 12 year's old and comes home everyday telling me the nasty thing's the kid's at school say to her. It start's with one child and soon the whole class is teasing her. This hurt's her and it hurt's me even more. I love my daughter so much and hate to see her suffering like this. I tell her it's not her fault. I tell her to ignore the teasing and that it's not the kid's fault they are bullies but rather their parent's for not teaching them any better. Is that wrong? What else can I say to her? I tell her that when she is teased, to remember all of us here at home that love her. This seems to make her feel better but the next day it's the same thing. I have went to the school numerous times and complained to her teacher's but it seem's to do no good. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
In Topics:
Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Resources:
Additional Answers (4)
When Your Child Is Being Teased
The Scene
Eight-year-old Derrick is barely eating. When asked what's wrong, he bursts into tears. "The kids at school keep calling me a dork," he sobs.
The Words You Need
Children may have strong feelings about being the victims of teasing, and that can make it hard to talk with them about it. Here are some suggestions to keep the conversation going.
The words: "I'd like to understand what happened. Why don't you tell me about it?"
The reason: Listening respectfully to children -- hearing their experience of events and interactions -- is one very important way to give them your support. Remember to listen before offering advice.
The words: "That must have felt awful..."
The reason: Acknowledging children's feelings without judgement is a good way to help children feel safe talking with us about difficult and embarrassing topics.
The words: "I remember being teased when I was your age..."
The reason: Feeling alone, or singled out, is one of the more painful aspects of being teased. Hearing that you had difficult times when you were a kid will help children feel less alone -- and most children love stories!
The words: "Let's think about what we can do about this..."
The reason: It's best not to start problem solving until your child feels as though you understand, or are trying to understand, his or her experience. Engaging children in the problem-solving process helps them feel competent and helps them build important skills.
The words: "You know, it's hard to believe, but lots of times people who tease are really unhappy."
The reason: It's helpful if children begin to understand that kids who tease may have problems and are less than all-powerful.
The words: "Would you like me to do something about this?"
The reason: Children may or may not want parental intervention, but it's important to offer it as an option. They may feel that talking to other parents or teachers will make things worse instead of better.
Conversation Tips
Some people are more sensitive to teasing than others. How we talk to our children about it will depend on what we know about them. Ask yourself these questions: Are my kids especially sensitive? Can they laugh at themselves? Has this kind of thing happened before? How do they generally get along with their peers?
Beyond the Rap
Most children are occasional targets of hurtful teasing. How you and your children approach teasing will depend on your culture and your family's style of interacting. Encourage kids to avoid games that involve coming up with increasingly gross, or nasty put-downs. These can lead to hurt feelings and even fights.
If children are persistently the victims of teasing, in a variety of situations, they may be sending out signals that encourage it. In that case, it may make sense to seek professional help through your health plan or school.
The Scene
Eight-year-old Derrick is barely eating. When asked what's wrong, he bursts into tears. "The kids at school keep calling me a dork," he sobs.
The Words You Need
Children may have strong feelings about being the victims of teasing, and that can make it hard to talk with them about it. Here are some suggestions to keep the conversation going.
The words: "I'd like to understand what happened. Why don't you tell me about it?"
The reason: Listening respectfully to children -- hearing their experience of events and interactions -- is one very important way to give them your support. Remember to listen before offering advice.
The words: "That must have felt awful..."
The reason: Acknowledging children's feelings without judgement is a good way to help children feel safe talking with us about difficult and embarrassing topics.
The words: "I remember being teased when I was your age..."
The reason: Feeling alone, or singled out, is one of the more painful aspects of being teased. Hearing that you had difficult times when you were a kid will help children feel less alone -- and most children love stories!
The words: "Let's think about what we can do about this..."
The reason: It's best not to start problem solving until your child feels as though you understand, or are trying to understand, his or her experience. Engaging children in the problem-solving process helps them feel competent and helps them build important skills.
The words: "You know, it's hard to believe, but lots of times people who tease are really unhappy."
The reason: It's helpful if children begin to understand that kids who tease may have problems and are less than all-powerful.
The words: "Would you like me to do something about this?"
The reason: Children may or may not want parental intervention, but it's important to offer it as an option. They may feel that talking to other parents or teachers will make things worse instead of better.
Conversation Tips
Some people are more sensitive to teasing than others. How we talk to our children about it will depend on what we know about them. Ask yourself these questions: Are my kids especially sensitive? Can they laugh at themselves? Has this kind of thing happened before? How do they generally get along with their peers?
Beyond the Rap
Most children are occasional targets of hurtful teasing. How you and your children approach teasing will depend on your culture and your family's style of interacting. Encourage kids to avoid games that involve coming up with increasingly gross, or nasty put-downs. These can lead to hurt feelings and even fights.
If children are persistently the victims of teasing, in a variety of situations, they may be sending out signals that encourage it. In that case, it may make sense to seek professional help through your health plan or school.
> 60 days ago
sadly my daughter who is 14 is going through the same thing, it started last year and now this year when she stands up for her self she gets in trouble. Not only has student bullied her now a staff at high school is allowing it to happen. I have complained since school started 7 weeks ago, I have keep a journal of who and what happens to her. I am concerned about my child emotionally. This abuse is really conerning me I have even advised my child who is a little heavy if the bullying gets physical to take the beating. Because if she stands up and fights back she gets in trouble. The school adminstration has let me down. The only solution they have given me is that my child can be escorted from class to class, sit alone or with a couple of friends apart from the main lunch area. Then leave school a few minutes early to avoid being approached after school. She does not ride the bus, I am too afraid for her. My child is the victim and she is in prison. I pray God will help me and my daughter with this problem because the school adminstration does not care.
> 60 days ago
I had the same problem last year with my nine year old daughter. I went to the school and talked with the teacher and principle nothing happen. So I took it to the Board of Education we than got all of the parents involved and the counselor of the school. Sometime if its not the teacher child they are not concern as they should be. They may treat you like your over reacting, but your not that's your child, so you show all the love and support you need to get this situation resolved. If all else fell consider changing your child school. Bullying and Teasing could mentally destroy a child. Don't let her hate facing the next day. It's defeating the purpose for her going to school, "how could she learn"?
> 60 days ago
If the teacher is not willing to get this matter under control then you really need to speak with the parent advocate of the school if there is none then go to the principal. If you still don't get any satisfaction write a letter to the District Board.
> 60 days ago
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