My daughter has told me that her teacher has hurt her. What to do about this?

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mummy26 asks:

my daughter came home from school today and told me that her teacher has grabbed her by the wrist (which is swollen) for nothing, now all the other teachers that know her all say how well behaved she is and how they wish other children was like her i would just like to know what to do about this matter i am not happy about it and i want something doing about it

In Topics: My Relationship with my child's school, Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Mar 28, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

Your main concern should be your daughter’s emotional state. Is she fearful of going back to school or does she feel scared of the teacher? Or, does she seem unconcerned about what happened? Her reaction to what happened might give you some insight as to the severity of the situation. This being said, try not to escalate the situation by talking or arguing about it with others in front of her. Allow her to tell you what happened in her own words, and let her know you love her and that she can talk with you about this, or about anything else, at anytime. Let her know you feel bad that she was hurt and that you will talk to her teacher about it. Tell her that she did the right thing by telling you about it, and that she should always come to you if someone hurts her. Then don’t ask her about it again and let it rest, unless she approaches you about it again.

It is understandable that you are not happy about what happened and are worried about how to handle this situation. You want to believe that your daughter is telling you the truth. But you also want to believe that her teacher would not do such a thing to your child unless it was by sheer accident. And, if it was an accident, you would hope that the teacher would call you and apologize for hurting your child.

Your first step should be to directly ask the teacher what happened. Do this when your daughter is not listening in the same room. It’s possible that the teacher is unaware that he/she hurt your child and needs to know that he/she should not grab children. If you feel the teacher is not honest and his/her story does not match up with your child’s, you will want to speak with the principal or the school counselor. Teachers should not have to grab children, especially if it makes marks on their skin.

Hopefully you will get the answers you are looking for and your daughter will continue to have a great end of the school year. If you feel you still need someone to talk to about this situation, or are ever in need of parenting support, our Hotline is available 24-hours every day of the week.

Take care and best wishes to you and your daughter!
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

Resources:

www.boystown.org

www.parenting.com

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Additional Answers (6)

Patrick08 writes:

It's a matter that should be taken seriously. I would say to get both sides of the story. You can contact the teacher and ask what happened. Let the teacher know the situation, that your daughter came home with a swollen wrist and said it was when you grabbed her. If it's a simple mistake by the teacher and they didn't realize your daughter got hurt the right thing for them to do would be to apologize to your daughter. And you should make clear to your daughter that if there was an action on her part that lead to the teacher grabbing her arm, she should not do that any more.

> 60 days ago

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dgraab , Parent writes:

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about this situation.

I agree with the previous suggestion that you follow up with the teacher (and if necessary, the principal) to learn more about what happened and address your concerns. Here are some communication tips for building positive relationships with educators: http://www.education.com/topic/parent-teacher-relationship/

If you are worried about the health of your child, or the swelling you mentioned, please also call your pediatrician or another licensed health care professional who can examine your daughter in person.

I wish you well in resolving this matter as soon as possible.

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mama2010 writes:

I had the same thing happen to my son just a couple of months ago. Honestly, i feel that you should involve the police. The mistake I made was not doing just this. Since then, my son & I have both been harrassed by the teacher and some other staff at his school. I advise you to keep even closer tabs on your child from this point on. Also if possible, contact the superintendent. They never returned my calls, but atleast I have phone records to back.

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mylifemarg writes:

you must report this teacher to the child protective services.

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MrsReading , Child Professional, Teacher, Parent writes:

I would first sit my child down and ask her to tell you exactly what happened. I caution you to do this because of an experience I had once while teaching. I had a parent come to my principal fuming one day. She said her child had a black eye from another child punching her. She went on to say that her daughter related that when her daughter told me about it, that my reply was, "Go play!" That night while the parent was bathing her daughter (kindergarten) the black eye washed off! The daughter told her mom the tale because she didn't want to get in trouble for having a dirty face. Imagine that mother's embarrassment!

If you believe that your daughter has been handled inappropriately by this teacher (and you are really sure of this) then you need to contact the school principal, as in most states teachers are not allowed to touch children in this manner.

Resources:

http://www.cookupbooks.com

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Danielle writes:

I suggest you speak to the teacher about it. Tell her you would like to hear what happened from her point of view. This may be a case where you need to speak to the principal, but it is always better to start with the teacher.

I think this article, written by a teacher who is also a very proactive parent, may be helpful:
http://www.education.com/magazine/article/When_Need_Talk_Teacher/

Resources:

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/When_Need_Talk_Teacher/

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