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Anonymous asks:
Q:

Can i discipline my boyfriends kids???

I am a mother of a 1 year old boy and i'm not really sure how to go about disciplining my boyfriends kids they recently came to live with us in our home and it's the first time in my life i have no idea what to do. he has a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter my son has not reached this age yet and i can say i'm definitely not looking forward to it because his kids are very out of control. He says it's because their mother doesn't discipline them i don't know what she does but i'm a very structured woman and the kids have no manners they yell and scream and do pretty much what they want it's basically a no game all day long followed by spankings and time out's from their father. he wants me to discipline them but i'm still not comfortable with that idea since the mother of the kids has no idea about me and that i'm living with my boyfriend/her ex and father of their kids and when they do return to her i'm sure she will find out all about me i love my boyfriends kids to death and i am very calm and gentle with them they just try to get over on me and i don't allow that but i'm more concerned on the disciplining aspect because i don't want to get in trouble for spanking my boyfriends kids without the mothers consent my boyfriend pleads for me to discipline them when he's at work he says he expects me to and it's ok to discipline them if they get out of control and the time out methods dont work i just don't know what to do or how to feel about this situation please help...
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Blended families, Single parent families
> 60 days ago

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Expert

ShirleyCressDudley
Nov 11, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

You and your boyfriend need to develop rules and guidelines for your home. Even though you aren't married- you are the "mom" in this house.

I know their mother's house has a different set of rules, or maybe even no rules at all- but kids learn quickly how to adapt.

It's important to incorporate this with positive and negative reinforcement.  I agree that the primary discipline should be done by the biological parent, but if he's not around, you do need to enforce your family's expectations.

For more information, spend some time at The Blended and Step Family Resource Center- I think it will really help you figure out your role in this newly blended family.

I hope that helps.

Kindest Regards,
Shirley Cress Dudley
MA LPC NCC FACMPE
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
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Additional Answers (2)

surkaikandace
surkaikandace , Parent writes:
Spanking is not a effective way of discipling children, in my opinion.  Sounds like your boyfriend has not control over his children, so until he learns how to control them effectively, I wouldn't step in especially by spanking.  Sounds like he wants you to do the dirty work, because he doesn't want to deal with it.  You both need to sit down and figure out a constent plan that wil work amongst all the children.  I wounld not tolerate these kids screaming and behaving out of control, but it need to start with you boyfriend.   I believe if you are caring for his kids while he is at work then you need to let them know what is acceptable behavior in your house and let them know you will not tolerate this behavior.  Disciplining them doesn't have to be spanking them to get them to listen.  This usually causes children to be afraid, and untrusting of the parents.  You want children to respect you, then you have to give them respect.  You won't earn respect by a child by hitting them as a form of punishment.  There are better ways than that.
> 60 days ago

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3bkids4step
3bkids4step writes:
I know how yo fill about that i was there and no i dont spank his kid that way there cant be any leagal actions taken by there kids mother and so they have nothing to say aginst me as a mother what i do is i ground, take things that they like away , friends cant come over , they cant go to friends, and if you have a problem with home work dont let them up from ttable till its done ,and no electronics your kids are young i use to have a friday box if they fought over something or hit someone with something i took it away for a week and they didnt get it back. i hope some of these things help you with some of what is going on but dont give up there kids and they will test you to see what you let them get away with they will even though there mom up at you i just say ill tell her for you or we can tell her together and then i do let her know cause they will play both parents as much as they can i have been there if i had to do it all over agin i would cause i love each and evry one of them very much and i wont give up i know you will get fustrated i did and still do at times but you have to stick with a methiod that best works for you and the kids and some thing that if it dont work out with the both of you your man or there bilogical mother  cant say anything. its not worth lossing your own kids over i do time out to when they are grounded they are not aloud out side to play. if that stuff dont work give them chores to do around the house it not going to hurt them it just may hurt there fillings when i punished the kids i felt so bad for it but i cant give in then they know how to get there way . well nice talking to you by
> 60 days ago

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