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starwarsmomma
starwarsmomma asks:
Q:

Help with disciplining my 2nd grade son, who is lying and not listening to his teacher.

My son has been eating his snack during class, which isn't a big deal, what the big deal is that he has been told, repeatedly not to do this.  And now, when he does eat during class and is caught, he lies, even though it is obvious that he has been eating.
His teacher called yesterday, we had a big discussion with his teacher, we had a big discussion at home.  He has been grounded and had all "screen" time taken away from him for a week.  
We have discussed with him how lying is wrong and how if he is going to do something either own up to it or don't do it.  
Well, after what my husband and I thought was a very clear conversation last night, I got a call again today from his teacher and he did it again.
The children keep their lunches at their desks so he has easy access to it, his teacher claims our son is the only one who has a problem eating at his desk.
Our son is bright, funny, wonderful boy.  He has tested for gifted and talented and has no trouble understanding that what he is doing is wrong.
So what I need help with is a more effective way to deal with him.  I do NOT want to spank my son, I don't believe in that type of behavior, my husband would like to for the "shock" value and to make clear to our son that lying is not tolerated.  I need getting through to him and helping him stop this behavior.  When asked why he does it, he just answers that he doesn't know.  
I hope someone can help us.  I will continue to look on this site for more help.  Thanks
Member Added on Mar 13, 2012
Thank you to everyone who answered - I wasn't being given enough information from his teacher and we finally figured it out.  Instead of having his snack at his snack time he was running off to play, then wanting to eat once he was back in class.  He now has to eat his snack before he leaves to play or not get to play, so hopefully there won't be anymore issues with this.  (I also agree that this is a messed up system with this school, why not have a snack time, THEN have recess instead of having 7 year olds monitor themselves like that.  And I did ask to have his lunch removed from his desk but the teacher didn't want to do this).
Thank you for the suggestions on working on his lying.  I agree he was trying to get out of trouble, but he lied to us on numerous occasions and we are trying to work on that.  We are going to try the point system and a few other ideas.  I really appreciate the time people took to help me with this problem.  (If anyone else stumbles on this and has any other good suggestions for discipline solutions I will gladly take them)  Thanks again. :)
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 21, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Its great you took the time to reach out for some help with your son and the way he has been acting at school. It sounds like the expectations laid out for him are very clear, so its understandable why you'd be so frustrated by his lack of acceptance and adherence to those rules.

It might help to talk with your son's school teachers. Obviously he has a problem with no eating his food when it is in his desk. Maybe his teacher would be willing to sit his lunch on her desk or in a closet. Then, when it is time for lunch he could get up from his desk, walk over to the food, get it, and return it to his desk. If his food is not near him he won't be able to eat it. It might be that your son gets hungry in the mornings, and having his food sitting where he can access it is simply too irresistible to pass up.

Also, is your son receiving enough food for breakfast? It might be that he may need to eat a little more than he has been before heading off to school. Eating a full, healthy breakfast is very important for a young child. Perhaps a more plentiful breakfast could reducde his feelings of hunger while in school.

Here is a helpful link which describes a great process for disciplining a child your son's age: http://www.parenting.org/article/giving-consequences-work

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Palmtree3
Mar 6, 2012
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Best Answer!

what's this?
from a fellow member
You could give him points if he gets 200 (you can chose the number)  He gets a prize.  If he's good he will earn points, if he's bad he'll lose points.  I know it doesn't sound perfect or like it will work but i'm sure it will!

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Additional Answers (3)

littleredboat
littleredboat writes:
Spanking is not an option. Taking the food out of his desk is also not an option because he needs to understand self control and the importance of telling  the truth.  However these are some of the thing to consider

Is he hungry?  Maybe the snack is something he really likes and does not want to wait until his scheduled snack time. ( If so ban that particular snack for 2 weeks)

Does the class get to play outside during snack time because this was the problem my  5 year old son had he would eat his snack in class because he wanted to play outside on his break time as well as his lunch time.

The teacher needs to keep him in class for break and lunch time everytime he does it.( does she do this already)

Another thing to consider is, if she keeps him in on break and lunch time as his punishment and he keeps doing it, why does he not want to go outside and play on his breaks.
> 60 days ago

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Jalisa Story
Jalisa Story writes:
Lying is a big deal,but I feel like he is doing this to stay out of trouble.  Having the lunch so close he may be unable to resist the templation of eating.  I would suggest that the lunch be kept in a place where he could not have access to it until lunch time.  Of course continue discuss the importance of being truthful and listening to his teachers.
> 60 days ago

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lilimommy
lilimommy writes:
I would consider this option:  Why is the teacher unwilling to have the kids keep their lunch boxes in a separate area during class time?  That would definitely solve the accessibility your son has to his food during instruction time.  Are they allowed a snack time during school hours?  Couldn't they remove their snacks from the lunch box during this time?
Not all children lie at this age, although this is the age they learn to do just that.  I would try to find out why he feels he needs to eat during class time as well as lie when confronted by the teacher.  It could be a medical issue that needs addressing and he really doesn't know why he does it (childhood diabetes is just one).  I agree that spanking is too harsh for this incident and will only serve to make the child more willing to keep things from you in the future.  Simplest solution after making sure it's not a medical issue would be for the teacher to have the students place their lunch boxes out of the learning area.
> 60 days ago

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