I am a divorced father of a 7-yr. old child. I had a similar situation after my divorce where I was unsure about how to tell my son that i had started to see other people. I elected to be completely up front and honest with my son. I introduced my girlfriend (now my wife) and him soon after we started to date; I think it was after the third date or so; my son was 5 at the time. Now, my son is an extremely bright boy, and I had already talked to him about the divorce, and that mommy and daddy still loved him, they just couldn't live together anymore. He was fine with that. Soon after I started dating my, now wife, I introduced them to each other and explained to him that we were very good friends, and that he would be seeing a lot of her from now on. As time passed, the two of them continued to develop a relationship so, when it came time that she and I got married, my son was very excited about having a step-mommy. I have never required to have my son call my wife mommy, and to this day he still calls her by her first name, which is fine. He knows that his mommy will always be his mommy, and that my wife is not trying to take her place. We explained to him that he is a very special boy, because he now has three parents that love him dearly.

The best advice I can give you is to be up front and honest with your children. If you try to sneak around behind their backs, who's to say that they won't do the same thing to you when they start dating. They may even start believing that, if you won't confide in them, why should they confide in you? Just make sure that they understand that you are not looking for someone to replace their father; as this can cause resentment, toward you or your new boyfriend, by the children. After introducing them, let them get to know your new boyfriend by including your children in some of the activities that you do such as mini-golf, seeing a movie, or just going to the beach. There will be plenty of time for you two to spend alone, but include the children some of the time. Otherwise, your children may feel that he is trying to take you away from them. As things start to get more serious between you and your boyfriend, make sure you talk to your children about how they feel about the situation, and truly listen to their concerns. If you do not address their concerns, they may start to believe that you do not value them as much as before the boyfriend.

Now, I am no expert; not by far. I am just a father who successfully made the transition from single dad to remarried dad, and still have the love and respect of my son. I strongly believe that I would not have either one if I had not remained completely hoonest and up-front with him. I have taught him all his life to always tell the truth and be honest. What message would it have sent him if I had not been honest to him about my relationship? I hope that my ramblings have helped you to decide to move forward with your search for new companionship. Nobody should ever have to put their life on hold, for fear of how someone else will react; even if that someone is a family member. If I can help you any further, please do not hesitate to ask.