onherownmom104
onherownmom... asks:
Q:

What should I do?  My daughter's boyfriend is disrespectful to me

i am a single paertnt with a 15 yeard old  daughter and I am currently dealing with cancer and i make things normal for her at all times. I do not let my illness place her issues in the back set. my daughter has a boyfrind  same age and he is disrespectful towards me and when i tell him my daughetr get's mad at me. then i'll tell her how i feel that she does not talk to me she turns her back. i am at a lost what should I do?
In Topics: Teen issues, Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Feb 24, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through so much right now. You are under a lot of stress and I hope you have support from friends/family and are taking time to take care for yourself.

It's unfortunate that your daughter isn't being respectful of your requests right now. You have every right to request that your daughter's boyfriend act respectful toward you. It would be best to sit down with both your daughter and her boyfriend and explain what the rules will be when he is in your home. Let them both know that if he says or does anything disrespectful, he will need to leave. Let them know what the consequences will be if he doesn't follow through with your requests, such as leaving your home immediately.

This is a great time to talk with your daughter about healthy and appropriate relationships. Explain to her that it might not be the best choice to be with someone that is willing to disrespect their girlfriend's mom, especially in front of you. This is a great learning opportunity for your daughter.

Sincerely,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (2)

kat_eden
kat_eden , Parent writes:
Valerie,<br />
<br />
Thanks so much for sharing your situation with us. &nbsp;I'm so sorry for all that you're dealing with. &nbsp;Being a single mom and managing an illness are both such huge challenges so it's pretty amazing that you're doing both at the same time. &nbsp; &nbsp;You have every right to be treated with respect by your daughter's boyfriend, especially during this difficult time. &nbsp;I wonder if there's another adult who could speak to your daughter and/or her boyfriend to help them understand how his behavior is adding to your already high stress level. &nbsp;Maybe a trusted family member, teacher or school counselor, or even someone from a church? &nbsp; It sounds like your daughter has a lot going on too. &nbsp;Being a fifteen year old girl and having your mom sick are also both pretty tough things to manage. &nbsp;Maybe having another person to talk to could help her realize that her boyfriend's behavior is making your life harder.<br />
<br />
Please let us know how things are going for you and your family.<br />
<br />
Kat<br />
> 60 days ago

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Jingasweetz
Jingasweetz writes:
First off, the fact that your going thru cancer is a very sad & trying time. Your daughter is young & honestly she's being self centered. She does not realize that cancer could potentially take her one & only mother .her boyfriend can't & will never be able to replace such a loss if God forbid that were the outcome of your illness. When I was young I thought my friends & boyfriend's were top priority, as I grew out of my teens I realized how I had taken my mom for granted & lacked appreciation for her. The very thought of loosing my mother & thinking about the guilt & consequence of not forming a deep bond of love & respect or her thinking I didn't love her after all she had done for me, SELFLESSLY, totally transformed my perception. Most likely the boyfriend's Will come & go. But we only have one mother irreplaceable, she needs to be confronted with the reality of the fact that she could loose you & miss out on a bond that is unique & irreplaceable. She should be taught to have backbone as a young woman growing into an adult that if man disrespects his mother or his girlfriend's mother expect the same treatment from him
Herself or worse. She needs to know it hurts you. But if you have nothing but critical things to say about him to her or force her to take your side, it will backfire & she may rebel. Use his vinegar against him with your honey so to speak but dont be a door mat. Maybe she will start to realize on her own that he's a total looser & a unjustified jerk then dump his a**. But she NEEDS to SEE that it hurts you without her thinking your just "flipping out".  I feel for you & sincerely hope she realizes that you both deserve better
37 days ago

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