What should I do? My daughter's boyfriend is disrespectful to me

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onherownmom... asks:

i am a single paertnt with a 15 yeard old daughter and I am currently dealing with cancer and i make things normal for her at all times. I do not let my illness place her issues in the back set. my daughter has a boyfrind same age and he is disrespectful towards me and when i tell him my daughetr get's mad at me. then i'll tell her how i feel that she does not talk to me she turns her back. i am at a lost what should I do?

In Topics: Teen issues, Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Feb 24, 2009

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What the Expert Says:

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through so much right now. You are under a lot of stress and I hope you have support from friends/family and are taking time to take care for yourself.

It's unfortunate that your daughter isn't being respectful of your requests right now. You have every right to request that your daughter's boyfriend act respectful toward you. It would be best to sit down with both your daughter and her boyfriend and explain what the rules will be when he is in your home. Let them both know that if he says or does anything disrespectful, he will need to leave. Let them know what the consequences will be if he doesn't follow through with your requests, such as leaving your home immediately.

This is a great time to talk with your daughter about healthy and appropriate relationships. Explain to her that it might not be the best choice to be with someone that is willing to disrespect their girlfriend's mom, especially in front of you. This is a great learning opportunity for your daughter.

Sincerely,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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Additional Answers (1)

kat_eden , Parent writes:

Valerie, 
 
Thanks so much for sharing your situation with us.  I'm so sorry for all that you're dealing with.  Being a single mom and managing an illness are both such huge challenges so it's pretty amazing that you're doing both at the same time.    You have every right to be treated with respect by your daughter's boyfriend, especially during this difficult time.  I wonder if there's another adult who could speak to your daughter and/or her boyfriend to help them understand how his behavior is adding to your already high stress level.  Maybe a trusted family member, teacher or school counselor, or even someone from a church?   It sounds like your daughter has a lot going on too.  Being a fifteen year old girl and having your mom sick are also both pretty tough things to manage.  Maybe having another person to talk to could help her realize that her boyfriend's behavior is making your life harder. 
 
Please let us know how things are going for you and your family. 
 
Kat

> 60 days ago

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