Does grounding really work?

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mbryan309 asks:

My ex has custody of 11 year old boy, he grounds him for 6-9 weeks for a c or d, I think its just making him miserable I am not convinced it helps at all, he grounds him from everything, he can read and thats it 24/7 for 6-9 weeks, does anyone think this is harming my son.

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, Single parent families

> 60 days ago

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Expert

lkauffman

Feb 4, 2008

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What the Expert Says:

Hi Myra,

I always advocate for loving, but consistent and firm parenting. In my view, this kind of parenting includes consequences for inappropriate behavior and positive reinforcement for "good behavior", but I believe that consequences need to be reasonable. There are a variety of opinions as to what is considered "reasonable", but I feel that grounding a teenager for 6-9 weeks is too long. In general, grounding periods lose their effectiveness as teens begin to habituate or "get used to" the grounding circumstances. Or, worse, parents cannot consistently maintain the rules for grounding for an extended period of time and teens begin to take it less seriously.

Many psychologists recommend no more than 12-14 days. In addition, many parents will "take away" a day of the "sentence" for each day that the teen behaves.

Given your concern, you should ask to talk with your ex-partner about discipline and agree on "rules" for discipline and reinforcement that are acceptable and reasonable to both of you. It would be beneficial if you were both on the same page.

Let us know how it goes!

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Additional Answers (3)

SarahRubar writes:

Honestly, I don't know if grounding a kid for poor marks really works. It's punishment for something the child may not even be able to help. BUT if he is really making him stop and study and do his homework and focus on his school work for those weeks and it's proving that he could get better marks if he focused, then it may not be that bad. But six to nine weeks seems kind of harsh in my books. I doubt it really harms him, though. Again, it's hard to say because we don't know your son, but this is just a guess. What do you think?

Sarah

> 60 days ago

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leandro writes:

Grounding a child for that long is really excessive. If your child is getting bad grades, I think he needs a tutor rather than merely grounding him and making him read. There's other ways to help or discipline a child than just grounding him.

> 60 days ago

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