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Anonymous asks:
Q:

Why isn't issue of jealousy brought up in informatin about elementary girls who bully?

My daughter was bullied in 1st and 2nd grade by the only other, blond hair blue eyed girl (class of 5 kids) and we believe and have been told that this child was "jealous" of my daughter--good student, great athlete and very well liked by students, teachers and parents. My daughter and I are very close, I role played with her regarding this other girl and unfortunately, teacher and administrators were uncertain what to do--no policy in this private school regarding bullying. Parents did not do anything about their child--we removed her from that school and she is now in another private school and is thriving--very popular, liked by all her teachers, has bonded well with the other 11 girls (and boys) in her class. My question--why is the issue of "jealousy" not discussed? My well rounded, well liked daughter seems to have little of the low self esteem issues discussed in these articles. Perhaps the issue generated from other children such as "jealousy" should be part of the equation. Is this a relevant issue in this discussion regarding early age bullying?
In Topics: Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 10, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Jealousy is a very complex emotion.  To say that someone is “jealous” is usually a statement made out of one’s feelings, rather than a fact.  Jealousy can be inferred, but it can not always be proved.  Envy and jealousy are sometimes confused.  

Envy is wanting to have something that another person has, and feeling unhappy and that it's 'not fair' that person should have it.  For example, a child may feel envy when someone they know has a toy they want or has a certain brand of clothing they wish they could afford.  The child may covet those things, which means they wish it was theirs.

Jealousy is like envy but includes suspicion.  Jealousy often has to do with competition.  For example, a child may be jealous of a brother or sister because they think their parents love him or her more, or feel jealous when a friend seems to have more friends.

To be sure, children who bully others sometimes do feel jealous.  Most of the time is it a combination of factors, not just one issue.  Many professionals are now using the term “relational aggression” when referring to girls who bully.  One book which is available at Boys Town Press and at other bookstores is:  “Relational Aggression in Girls”, by J. Kupkovits.  

Please click on the like below to read more about why children, especially girls, bully others:  

http://www.greatschools.org/parenting/bullying/why-are-those-girls-so-mean.gs?content=596&page=1

Another book we recommend for parents and teachers of children in grades K-6 is:  “Teaching Children Empathy”, by T. Caselman, Ph.D.

Take care and best wishes to you and your family.  Please call our 24-hour Hotline anytime for parenting assistance, or go to one of our websites for more information.

Best Wishes,
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

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