Education.com
Try
Brainzy
Try
Plus
goode1970
goode1970 asks:
Q:

how can i encourage my 14yr old son to go to school.

I have given incentives like, money for going, extra money for completing week without day off and friends stay over if he does at least 4 days.
having a day off he is grounded, loses using x-box and no TV. but after all this he still not able to complete a whole week. potentially he could get 17.50 a week for going everyday have friends stay over and use his computer.
so my question is why isn't this working?
In Topics: School and Academics, Teen issues
> 60 days ago

|

Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 28, 2012
Subscribe to Expert

What the Expert Says:

There seems to be more than meets the eye in this situation.  We aren't sure what that may be but your son may be depressed, be getting bullied, be engaging in drug abuse, or any number of other things that are affecting his ability to get to school each and every day.  The hardest part is that 14 year olds tend not to talk, but we hope you can do your best to try and start a conversation with him.  If you can start to figure out why he doesn't want to go, than you may get to the bottom of what is going on with him.  

You have tried some good parenting techniques, we are sorry that have not seemed to work.  Have you spoken to the teachers and counselors at his school and see if they have any sense of what is going on?  It may give you an idea of where all this is coming from.  Also if you know any of his friends' families, it may be worth giving them a call and see if they are having similar problems.  If so, you may be able to address them with your kids together.  

We also think that this is certainly reason enough to get him to a counselor for some assessments.  Even if he does not talk to the counselor, it may be worth it to have him take some assessments and test provided by the counselor.  This wouldn't require him really engaging with anybody and you may still get a pretty good sense of what is going on.  Please talk to your school counselor and see if they know of any good counselors in your community who may be able to work with him.  

Please stay patient and continue to try different things to improve the situation.  Work with your support system, see if you could get somebody he respects to talk to him, and let him that you are concerned for him.  Please feel free to call our hotline anytime.  We work with parents everyday here on our hotline and would be happy to problem solve with you.

Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline-A resource for parents and teens
1-800-448-3000
www.yourlifeyourvoice.org

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no

Additional Answers (7)

marjiegiannina
marjiegiann... writes:
It is hard to tell what issues your 14 year old son might be dealing with . There could be an infinite amount of reasons why he has lost interest to go to school. At the age of fourteen your son is going through several developmental changes physical ,cognitive socioemotional development. Remember he is in the process of forming an identity. Try talking to your son, express your love and concerns  to him.  Ask him what needs to happen for him to get motivated about school. If your son does not open up about his disinterest for school, you might have to speak to his teachers. The teachers will help you understand why your son is discouraged with school. Try talking with a student council. There are many reasons your son might be discouraged He might be struggling with a teacher or school grades, he might be struggling with some kind of bullying, or maybe he is struggling with the loss of a friend or a family member.(physical or emotional loss)   Maybe he does not desire an allowance ( though money is a nice incentive ) as much as he desires  a friend , someone who can just listen to him . It's very hard to tell why your son is discouraged with school. I truly hope this helps . Talk to your son but mainly LISTEN  (bite your tongue if you have to) listen to  him there might be something important he wants to tell you and this is his way of trying to grab your attention .
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
marjiegiannina
marjiegiann... writes:
It is hard to tell what issues your 14 year old son might be dealing with . There could be an infinite amount of reasons why he has lost interest to go to school. At the age of fourteen your son is going through several developmental changes physical ,cognitive socioemotional development. Remember he is in the process of forming an identity. Try talking to your son, express your love and concerns  to him.  Ask him what needs to happen for him to get motivated about school. If your son does not open up about his disinterest for school, you might have to speak to his teachers. The teachers will help you understand why your son is discouraged with school. Try talking with a student council. There are many reasons your son might be discouraged He might be struggling with a teacher or school grades, he might be struggling with some kind of bullying, or maybe he is struggling with the loss of a friend or a family member.(physical or emotional loss)   Maybe he does not desire an allowance ( though money is a nice incentive ) as much as he desires  a friend , someone who can just listen to him . It's very hard to tell why your son is discouraged with school. I truly hope this helps . Talk to your son but mainly LISTEN  (bite your tongue if you have to) listen to  him there might be something important he wants to tell you and this is his way of trying to grab your attention .
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
prytulas
prytulas writes:
I saw something in a movie once (might have been Glory Road) that I thought was brilliant. The mom went to school with her son until he started taking it seriously and pulled his grades up. I also heard a real mom call in on a radio program once and said she did the same thing. She said she basically humiliated her son into going to school. He wanted her to stop going to school with him so badly that he started taking it seriously and pulled all his grades up. She never had to sit in class with him again.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
laurierogers
laurierogers writes:
I to have a 14 year old son and he hates school. I have spoiled him all his life he goes to school 1\2 of time time but when he is there he does not complete any of the work they give him. His last report card was all F and 1 C, he is in the seventh grade and reads like a third grader I to need help. My son has ruined his life he needs to get on the right track. He want to own a business i keep telling it takes education.I started back to college just so I could get him involved it still is not working
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
goode1970
goode1970 writes:
I've listened, I've done everything he has asked from me. he does go but after 2 or 3 days it goes back to normal. i can't keep giving in to him, giving him everything he wants. now he just expects it which looks bad on me.
i get so frustrated, i just want to knock 6 barrels out of him but i know i cant do this. my wife has been to court about his non attendances last year, i don't want my wife going down same avenue again. its not fair on her or our family. it wears off on his younger brother.
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Lilred80
Lilred80 writes:
If they will not go willingly and they say go or parent goes to jail or pays fines then you have to call the cops to take him to school. If they will not take him at least you will have on record everytime you called to let them know you were not just letting him stay home but that you tried what you knew to get him to go. Sometimes as sad as it sounds rewarding him to go or taking stuff away if he does not go. He only needs a bed clothing food bathroom stuff to be there. He does not need tv tons of unsupervised computer time video games and so forth if he does not want to go to school you do not get nice things!
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Lilred80
Lilred80 writes:
You also have to make sure it is for an extended time like go without for two weeks or even longer so make him earn it back! Check to see if it is a bully problem ask him why he doesnt want to go might be more to it...
> 60 days ago

Did you find this answer useful?
0
yes
0
no
Answer this question