How can I explain to my 14 yr,old daughter, that Ive been suffering from severe depression and have been trying to get on my feet to take care of her
its been a rough life for me since I eloped at age 16, and got married. I lived 4 states away from my parents, so I had no one to turn to when I needed to get away from my abusive drug/alcohol enraged husband. M y second husband turnred out to be the same. Ive suffered so much physical and mental abuse along with substance abuse. Couldnt beat em so I joined em. Ive remained single for going on 5 years, yet the trauma has been so severe Im currently a mental health recipient. Taking up to 5 different medications just to be able to control my moods etc. Ive been homeless living in motels for the past year. I chose to let my 4 kids stay living at grandmas to avoid changing schools. My kids are the reason I wake up every morning and look forward to life. Yesterday I got a text from my 14 year old daughter telling me she doesnt want to ever see me or hear from me again. She called me by my name not calling me mommy like always. Im lost and need advice. Im feeling lifeless and hopelless HELP
We are very sorry you and your children are going through this difficult situation. It is great that you are reaching out for more support and guidance. If you are still using drugs and alcohol the first thing you need to do is to get treatment and remain sober. If you have already done so, then congratulations for your sobriety!
You said you are a mental health recipient but you don't mention if you are receiving therapy. You have been through a great deal and while medications are helping, you should also consider counseling with an understanding and qualified therapist or a support group for the most effective treatment combination.
It sounds like your daughter is angry but she still needs you. Now that she is 14 years old she is becoming more independent and is strongly influenced by her peers. She knows the words to say which will hurt you. Her anger and sadness is understandable because of the instability she has experienced, but she needs to learn appropriate ways to vent her anger and frustrations.
To help repair the relationships with your children, especially your 14 year old daughter, please consider family therapy. A professional therapist who is experienced with families and trauma can help your family heal and get back on the right path with good communication.
Don't give up on your daughter! Continue to talk with her and let her know you understand her anger and you are sorry for what has happened. Tell her you are in the process of finding a family therapist to help. Let her know that you are working to make a better life for her and her siblings and that you are doing your best. However, be cautious about how much information you share with her about your past and your mental health. She is only 14 and not yet an adult. Even though you want a close relationship with her, you are her mother first, and there still needs to be some boundaries set in your relationship.
Here at Boys Town we help families who are going through many of the same issues you describe. Our Hotline is for parents and kids of all ages. You may want to give your daughter our website for teens: www.yourlifeyourvoice.org
From our website kids can e-mail or chat with a counselor if they desire.
We also encourage you to call our Hotline for more support and guidance. We can also look up services such as counseling in your local area. Our counselors are available 24 hours, 7 days a week. We know parenting is tough and we are here to help. Take care and hope to hear from you in the near future!
Cynthia, Crisis Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline