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DonDon
DonDon , Student asks:
Q:

how do i explain to my boyfriend i wanna take it slow?

i've been seeing this boy for nearly two weeks now, he's a bout three years older than me:/ and he hints he wants to go further in the relationship, i dont know what to say to him. if i dont do anything, i'm scared that he'll leave me;/ but, i dont wanna do anything after just TWO FRIGGING WEEKS!!!!
what if he finds out i wanna take it slow, and starts to find someone that will do something sexually active. i have a feeling he wants more....
help?
much thanks.... dondon
In Topics: Teen issues, Teen sexuality and dating
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Wayne Yankus
Nov 15, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Dear DonDon:

STOP! THINK! and don't apologize for taking it slow. This is you you are talking about. You made a good choice to slow down.  If he wants to leave, let him. Your body, your future, and your health count on you making wise choices. I don't know how old you both are, but it doesn't matter.  You matter and you are in control of your body. You do not OWE him anything other than pleasant company. Talk to your doctor, talk to a trusted adult, talk to a family member you trust. A relationship is two people making choices together that are smart. A wise woman named Eleanor Roosevelt (wife of President Roosevelt) once said:"Remember: no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If he bullies you, he is not a keeper.

Good luck.

Wayne Yankus, MD, FAAP
expert panelist: pediatrics




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Additional Answers (6)

BigSis
BigSis writes:
Hi DonDon,

If you want to take it slow, then take it slow. If your current boyfriend doesn't agree with that, then maybe he's not worth your time. You deserve someone who will respect your decision. It is your body, right? Don't let a boy force you to do something you're not ready for. Always remember that there are plenty of other boys who will not pressure you and will like you for who you are.

I read this on your profile: "i am who i am, no one can change it. if you try, you'll just find you will fail." I think it's a good motto to live by and it seems like it could be applied to your dilemma.

Remember to love and know yourself. You are your own keeper and you control everything about yourself, including keeping yourself safe. You are brave for asking for help; you should also try talking to an adult that you trust. Your Mom or school counselor could help you during this confusing time.

Hope this helps!
> 60 days ago

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mrs.hally
mrs.hally , Student writes:
hey dondon
well i've been dating this boy, for a while now and i think we took it slow,and thats what made him want me more and naw he cant leave me alone but if he respects you he want ask you for sex.and its only been two weeks,show him your not like other girls,your not easy
> 60 days ago

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marajanne77
marajanne77 writes:
if he's gonne leave you then he's not worth it and that's a sign for you to move on to bigger and better things. if he really cares he'll understand and agree to go at your pace, but if he doesnt then you leave. just explain to him that your not emotionally, mentally or physically ready. i lost my virginity when i was 13 an im 16 now, i regret it, losing it so early in my teen years. i shouldve waited. worry about yourself, not him.
> 60 days ago

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Louiseasl
Louiseasl , Child Professional writes:
Dear DonDon,

First, I want to applaud you for seeking help for a difficult situation.
 
 Secondly, I want to applaud you for recognizing that something is not right when a boyfriend wants to rush the physical aspects of a relationship when you are not ready or willing.

And lastly, if I were you- I would find someone else who is worthy of your time and wonderfulness.  This boy is not "playing fair".  Go enjoy being a teen and someday a boy, maybe closer to your age,  with similar interests,  and who is a great match for you will not rush things, but agree to be a team with you instead of trying to fulfill only his needs and desires.

And if you feel pressured, threatened or in danger- please seek a trusting adult or contact the authorities.  School counselors can help you, too.

Best wishes,

Louise Sattler, NCSP
Nationally Certified School Psychologist
> 60 days ago

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lakey
lakey writes:
do not do it keep your life rite y u have a chance if eve need sum one to talk to talk to me im a 16 year old girl .so how old r u ....?
> 60 days ago

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Sanaah
Sanaah writes:
I have always made my bfs wait a very long time. And I have loved it because this way, I can really see if this guy is worth my time. In my experience, if a guy really likes you and is a good guy, he will wait no problem. If he will leave you because you won't be sexually active with him, then he isn't good enough for you. He would leave you eventually anyway.

Best,
Sanaah
Female, 21
> 60 days ago

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