stepuptothe... asks:

what to do when a father doesnt pay enough child support and lets his mother foot the bill for our daughter?

I am having to take our daughters father back to child support and haven't in six years because I shouldn't have to explain to him that she is growing and needs new clothes shoes..and yes now even bras. For school this year he only bought a book bag, two bras a water bottle and a pencil box. My husband and I bought, whom he also considers his daughter, jeans,shirts,new tennis shoes (4 pair), socks, underwear, tights new book bags, lunchboxes (2), lunch meats and all the fix-ens, new coats (2) one we had to lay away, and had no problem paying almost $1000 for her. Her real dad did the bare minimum, because he thinks that the child support order from 2004 should be enough in 2011! He constantly let's his mother foot the bill for dinner when he is supposed to have our daughter, buy her clothes and shoes etc. I was told by his mother I had no right to tell him that he and I should be the ones to do so for our daughter, and that she wasn't "picking up his slack" other words she does so he wouldn't have to. Meanwhile our daughter comes home daddy has the new IPHONE, APPLE PAD2, so does his wife, and got her a kindle fire that she isn't allowed to bring home even though she asked for it for her schoolwork. step mother loaded her magazines on it and no books for our daughter. Allows her to bring home little toy figurines and a dsi 3d yeah that will definitely get her to college! Please help because I have really had enough of the hey I don't want to pay let my mother syndrome.
In Topics: Fatherhood, Blended families, Divorce Issues
> 60 days ago



Feb 2, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

I understand your frustration. You want to provide for your daughter and also believe, correctly, that her father should contribute too.

The child support order you mentioned is usually based on current income of both the mother and the father (and other factors- such as health insurance, other kids to support, etc.) Usually the numbers are decided by sharing W-2's and then revisiting the child support every other year. If you don't have an agreement in place to re-evaluate the support every 2 years, then you may need legal help to revise the agreement.  Keep notes for court, to prove that you have asked her father to revise and raise the child support.

I wish you the very best. This can be a very frustrating and long process. Continue to do what's best for your daughter, to the best of your ability, while you get this worked out.

Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC NCC FACMPE
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
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Additional Answers (1)

lrpeoples , Parent writes:
I say do what you have to do and get the support order modified and do it ASAP! Don't let it sit by the wayside while you try and battle with the ex and grandma. Also I think that if his mother wants to buy the child stuff; let her she is after all the child's "grandmother".
You have to do what is right for your child and she deserves monetary support but overall she deserves and needs love, happiness and moral support. In the end material stuff will not matter
> 60 days ago

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