Vivian:) , Student asks:

I don't know what to do about best friend issues. Please help.

my ex best friend is starting trouble with me and my friends and trying to start drama with my new best friend and i dont know what to do is it because she is jealous or what because if i dont do something fast then we will probably get into a fight! HELP ME!

[Moderator's note: This member has noted her age as 14 in another question within JustAsk.]
In Topics: Teen issues, Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago



Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 17, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Hello and thanks for writing to Sorry to hear of the conflict with your ex best friend. Unfortunately, there is no handbook that we can refer to for the rules and regulations of relationships. Each friendship will bring it's own challenges and rewards.

While it can be difficult to know how to handle each and every friendship issue, when you are in conflict with another person, it is important to remember that the only behavior you will ever be able to control is your own.

Your ex best friend might be acting out of jealousy or she might really and truly be missing your friendship. Either way, the best thing you can do is to continue to be kind to her even when she is mean or nasty. Getting upset with her - fighting back - might cause her to continue to behave badly towards you. It is best to do what you can to get this conflict to die down.

Rather than trying to figure out your ex best friend's motives, try to pay attention to your new friends. Take the time to get to know them - their likes and dislikes, their interests and hobbies. Listen more than you talk and give more than you take. It is nice to have a best friend, but it isn't necessary to be exclusive in your relationships. Try to remember to have layers of friends. Over time, different friends serve different purposes.

Check out for some think sheets on friendships. These helpful tools can assist you to work through relationship issues.  In addition to these tools there are lots of questions and answers posted that might give you some direction on how to solve your problem.

Lastly, counselors are always available at the Boys Town National Hotline,
1-800-448-3000 if you think that it would help to talk through how you are feeling. We are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide you with the support and encouragement you need to develop a plan of action to deal with this situation.

We look forward to hearing from you Vivian.

Take care,

Linda, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline 1-800-448-3000

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