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New'New
New'New , Student asks:
Q:

Friend problems, I need help!

I am having best friend problems, me and my friend (ex-friend now are having problems, I wanna be her friend but then again I don't I have good times with her but she could be arrogant, and jealous of many, talk about people and still think she's right! She is very hypoicitical and stuck up and ver stuborn. But yet still I wanna be her friend, I feel that she was never a really good friend to me, she always feels she's going a good job with being friends with two people that just don't like each other, but she really can't, I really need help with this and if I don't I will just fall back into her arms again like she is expecting me to do, and like I always do when I have friends that treat me bad. I wanna get my attitude towards people that treat me bad in check before I go to high school, and this would be a great start. So if anyone has any advice at all it will be much appreciate and taking into consideration. Thanks! A lot

-New'New

P.S- I will take any advice, it is all good if you at least try to help me with my "being to nice to people who treat me bad problem." Thanking you in Advance!
In Topics: Teen issues, Friendships and peer relationships
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Mar 16, 2010
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What the Expert Says:

Hello and thanks for writing to www.education.com for advice for your relationship dilemma.  

Good for you that you are trying to break free from an unhealthy friendship.  It certainly isn't easy to end a relationship or to ever reestablish boundaries with another person.  If this girl was a good friend to you at one time, it is natural that it would be difficult to not return to her when you don't feel like there is anyone else in your life.

Rather than focusing on how to stop being her friend, what about focusing on developing your friendships with others instead?  If you are having trouble building friendships look to connect with those that share your interests.  Are you interested in music, sports or academic hobbies such as foreign language or debate?  Check into clubs at your school or start one of your own.  Attend school sponsored activities or attend youth group at your church.  You might also try your hand at organizing a recycling project or get some people together to volunteer at a nursing home or animal shelter.  

Some friendships are just not meant to last.   Rather than putting an abrupt end to this friendship, work towards widening your circle of friends.  By developing friendships with a variety of people, you will certainly feel like you have lots of choices when you are in need of a friend.  

Some important character traits to look for in a friend include:
1.  Loyalty
2.  Respect
3.  Trustworthy
4.  Dependability

Remember that you will have different levels of friendships.  Check out www.yourlifeyourvoice.org for some exercies tthat will help you think though the different levels of friendships.  Think of yourself in the middle of a small circle.  Within that circle would probably be your family.  The next circle (drawn just a little bigger than the first) would include 1-3 close friends that you trust a great deal.  The next circle (drawn a little bit bigger than the last) would include classmates and friends from church that you can count on to have fun and encourage you.  The last and largest circle would be all of the other people you know.  

If you think that it would help to talk to a counselor about what you are feeling, give us a call at the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000.  Counselors are available 24/7 - ready and willing to help you with any problem you have.

Good for you that you are setting a goal for yourself and looking to improve your relationships.  High school will be a happy, exciting time if you surround yourself with friends the support and encourage you ever step of the way.

We look forward to hearing from you at the Boys Town National Hotline.

Take care and have a great day.

Linda, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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fritzr
Mar 11, 2010
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Best Answer!

what's this?
from a fellow member
It sounds like you have two problems here.  First of all it's fine to be nice to people that aren't nice to you.  That just shows that you have a stronger character than the other person.  Don't go overboard to be nice since you know it won't be reciprocated but still treat them cordially.  

Your second problem is a supposed friend that is not particularly nice to you and hasn't been a good friend in the past.  My advice to you is to go find other friends that are supportive.  You deserve to be happy in your friendships and have true friends you can count on.  There are lots of good people out there and you just have to take the time to find them.  The only reason you are probably considering going back to being her friend is because you don't have somebody to take her place in your life.  So go start making new friends! Life is too short to waste it with negative people.

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Additional Answers (2)

New'New
New'New , Student writes:
@fritzr- I Concur! You make a good point life is short! And I'm only 14 worrying about a friend that I can replace instantly! Thanks for your help! That was a great answer! :)
> 60 days ago

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Vamp_Gurl6
Vamp_Gurl6 writes:
Hun... look... if you believe that she was never a really good friend, then what's the point in wasting your time (& life) trying to win her friendship back? I'm not trying to sound rude or anything, but it's useless!!! Sorry!!! I mean...this has happened to a lot of us and when we win the friendship(s) back, its not worth it. If you don't mind me asking.... what happened between you and her?...
> 60 days ago

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