Friends controlling bf helllp!

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jessicuh asks:

My friends bf id very controlling and the out come is now she's not friends with me nor my best guy friend ben. Ok let's start here she's currently been going out with this jerk for around 7months there. very off and on breaking up ussually once a week. He's very controlling like "who was that guy you where walking with in school" he deletes all the guys #s out of her phone and I've cometo notice after a while tha when she argues with him through texts he ussually will reply "k" or cool and when I'm trying to be a caring friend that's exactly what she does and she also acts different when she's around him. I currently have talked to her for 2 weeks now and ussually she will text me or call me you know. But just the other day jesse texted ben saying if you talk to her ever again I'm beating you up. But ben isn't even a threat to their relationship at all he's a very very nice guy. Hannah dosent talk to any boys and she's mostly with jesse alllllll the time now. On valentines day he got into a arguemnt with her and said give me back the neclace I bough you it cost money and he said messed up crap to her about her dead sister. Then when we where hanging out that same day he called her abillion times and I think just so he could get some. She's 14 and he's 17 and he's not going anywhere with his life her mom wants them to break up any advice or answers to what exactly is going on? I'm her bestfriend and she simply cut me out also ben too

In Topics: Teen issues

> 60 days ago

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Mar 18, 2012

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What the Expert Says:

Its great to see that you're reaching out for some guidance on ways to help your friend. It sounds like her boyfriend is really controlling. He has been saying and doing things which are very inappropriate, disrespectful, and out of line. Its great to know that she has somebody like you in her life who cares about her and who realizes that she deserves better than this.

When somebody is in a controlling relationship it can be really common for that person to feel overly relient on their controller. He's been saying and doing things which seem like they're breaking down her self-esteem and really causing her to isolate herself. This plays right into a controlling boyfriend's hands. Keep reaching out to your friend- remind her how much you care about her, express the desire to spend time with her, and show her what a healthy relationship looks like. It sounds like she cut you out of her life, but that doesn't mean you can't still reach out to her from time to time. When she makes the decision to get out of this controlling relationship she will need caring friends like you to be there so she can lean on you for some support.

You also need to remember that you and your feelings are important. Yes, its great to see that you care so much about your friend. However, you can't control the things she does or says. The last thing you need to do is let the stress of everything start to weigh you down. Remember to keep doing things so that you live the fulfilling and happylife you deserve.

This must be a stressful experience you're going through. Here is a link with some great suggestions of ways to beat stress: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/DiscoverIt/Articles/Pages/HowtoManageStress.aspx

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Additional Answers (3)

jessicuh writes:

Also. When she is with him she won't answer the phone she will ussually say "they can wait" he constantly goes through her phone all the time. she's not the samefriend I remember it sucks..and when they do break up he cals her a whore blah blaah like he's terrible I wish she would wake up

> 60 days ago

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