Hi Sally,

This is, understandably, a very challenging time for you and your family. I imagine it has been tremendously worrisome to watch your son deviate from a life of top grades and good choices. It is tempting to focus your efforts on the school and the administrator's inability to manage the new student, but I would encourage you to concentrate on your son and his behavior. You can, of course, effect change in your school, but you're likely to have greater influence with your son.

First, it might be worthwhile to talk with your son about your comfort level with regard to his new friendship. It sounds like you have already done a wonderful job of getting the dialogue going in this direction, but you might consider taking a more directive approach with him. For instance, if you are uncomfortable with him being on the phone late at night, you might want to set some limits (with consequences) on this. It is reasonable to ask this of him given that he needs to be well rested to manage the school day. Reassure him that you do not intend to be "mean", but you believe that you must do what is in his best interest.

Second, you might want to think about "why now"? That is, if your son has been on a positive course until now, perhaps something has changed to weaken his ability to make good choices. Have there been any changes in his life? If not, he may just be struggling with the transition into adolescence. But, this situation indicates that he is somewhat vulnerable to poor decision-making, and if it wasn't this girl, it is likely there would be other peers who could negatively influence him. So, you might want to think about an overall approach of helping your son think through the challenges of adolescence.

Just a few thoughts. I look forward to hearing the perspectives of others. Good luck!