Oh, I love this age group! Their bodies are changing; the world is fascinating --- they simply want to explore everything and are convinced they are almost grown up. They are testing all the rules and boundaries just to reassure themselves that the boundaries are still there! However, for us as educators and parents, they can be trying.
 
Start with defining family values and building respectful behavior. In the "old" days, families often lived on farms with each child having a "real" responsibility. Now, life is so much easier, and many children have few or no responsibilities at home. School might be the only responsibility a child has. With all the video games, TV, and other electronic interruptions, school can be seen as "boring." For instance, let the boy know that education is very important in life; it allows a person more options in life. Plus, research shows that those with more education tend to earn more money on the average than others.
 
I like to let adolescents know that respect is a two way street. I'll respect them if they are considerate of me as well. Building this behavior usually starts at one or two years of age, so starting with a teenager will take A LOT more patience and quiet talking with him. Try to do things together, such as home projects and even school work. (Many times "stinky" school work is because a child hasn't developed good study skills, reading skills, or a love for learning. Sometimes children have legitimate learning concerns that teenagers often mask by exhibiting defiant behavior.) Let the boy know that he isn't alone in the world; you are there to love and emotionally support him and he does for you as well. Simply put, often teenagers don't feel valued, so they lash out.
 
Ask the boy to work out a budget project with you. I always like to assign students to be first year teachers---a good helping profession that requires education. In the DC area, beginning teachers earn about $41,000; you'll want to adjust that amount for your local area. Students usually think this is a lot of money, and they can have anything they want! Ask him to make a short list of things that he would like to buy.
 
Start by having your grandson "complete" tax forms like the ones due April 15th, or simply deduct 25-30% for the upcoming taxes and divide the remainder by 12 months. That is the "real" amount of earnings for him. Students simply don't realize that the government takes their share first.
 
Have the boy record what he eats during the week. Ask him to plan healthy meals and snacks for himself for only one week. Have him add 5-10 personal or household items (ex. toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo, clothes soap, TP) to the list as well. Then, take him to the grocery store to "shop" or have him research the prices on his own at the local grocer's website. Finally, have him take this weekly cost and multiply it by 4.3 to determine the monthly cost. Next, deduct this amount.
 
Now, have him find an apartment to live in, but remind him that he'll have to figure the transportation costs next, so he'll need to be conservative. Get the idea? What usually happens is students are out of money before they buy the list of things they wanted (ex. cable TV, computers, recreation, medical, clothes). Often students become more conservative with their parents money after this experience and are more willing to compromise.
 
With mutual respect comes trust and obedience. Be prepared to work alongside the boy with a boatload of patience. It's OK to count to 100 several times a day in the beginning.
 
Good luck! Ms. A