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nationat
nationat asks:
Q:

recently my grandson is has starting crying and screaming when he comes to visit he is four saying he doesnt want to come what could bring this on?

he lives with mother and his father lives with us and always wanted to stay with us until lately now he doesnt after he gets here he is happy and doesnt wont to leave what could cause his change in behavior
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges, My child's grandparent(s)
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jan 27, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Hello,

Sorry to hear that your grandson is having so much trouble when it comes to visiting.  It's hard to tell what four-year-olds are thinking and feeling sometimes, so we can't quite give you a sure-fire reason for why he's doing what he's doing.  Two things came immediately to mind, though:

1) Attachment to Mom and Dad.  A lot of times kids go through this phase earlier, but there are still quite a few kids at four or five who have a hard time leaving their parents, even if it's just for a kindergarten class.

If this is the case, Mom or Dad could give your grandson something small before they drop him off with you, like a heart-shaped note saying, "Mommy loves you!" or even just a kiss in his palm.  Mom can tell him that whenever he's nervous, he has the kiss in his hand or the note in his pocket.

2) Perhaps he's bored, or afraid of boredom.  Sometimes a grandparent's reserve of toys has been depleted over the years or has gotten a bit too out-dated for the kids nowadays.  When he comes over, make sure he has something to do.  (It sounds like he probably does most of the time since he doesn't want to leave by the time Mom and Dad come back.)

Lastly, see if his mom or dad could ask him why he's so reluctant to go to your house.  Like we said, sometimes it's hard to figure out what a four-year-old is thinking, but sometimes you can get an answer out of them. :)

We hope this helps a bit.  Good luck!

MKM, Counselor
Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
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