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Anonymous asks:
Q:

How to handle kids' uncontrollabe tantrum?

My 5yr old girl will throw uncontrollable tantrum once a while (maybe once a month). It can be triggered by little things. For example, asking her to pick up something that she dropped and when she refused, she will go into berserk state. She will keep crying very loudly and kicking (cannot keep still) and keep repeating words continuously like 'I want mummy' for a long time. There was once she even urine and lie down on it and kick and cry.

Normally when she's behaving like that, I will also lose control and will scream at her to ask her to stop. Of course it doesn't work. I will let her cry for very long until she stops by herself. And when she's calm, she will behave well again.

I'm worried to see her behaving like that and I'm just wondering, is she suffering from any emotional sickness?

Should I hug/carry her when she asks for me? Because I thought I should hug her when she stops so as to let her know not to throw tantrum. So how should I handle?

Please kindly advise. Thank you very much.
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Jun 11, 2013
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What the Expert Says:

It is not uncommon for a 5 year old child to have a temper tantrum as you have described. They get easily frustrated and don't have the skills to deal with those frustrations. As a parent, you have made several important observations. One is that you need to remain calm, the other is to let her calm down before reinforcing or hugging her. You are using great judgment in dealing with her behavior. If she is doing this only at home and not in public, don't worry too much.  For your own peace of mind though, you may want to "chart" or keep notes about her tantrums. Note the dates, time of day, and length of tantrums.  You may also want to see if you can pinpoint what happened prior to the behavior occuring including asking yourself- who? what? when? where? and why?  The good news is that she may grow out of it soon, especially if you remain consistent in your approach with her behaviors.
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Additional Answers (1)

Angela_outnumbered
Angela_outn... writes:
I also have a 5 year old and tantrums are also common for us. I notice that these happen more frequently when one or both of the below happen:
(1) my kid (or we the parents) are tired or hungry
(2) we did not give enough time to the kids for a period of time (because we're ll busy parents with important jobs ;-) )

Usually, even if she is in a tantrum, i try to talk to her in a calm way (screaming only makes things worse) and i do the following:
(1) I ask her if i can talk to her a bit or if i can hug her ( she can continue crying, i just want to check that she is ok to hear me). If she says no, then i tell her that when she is ready for me to talk to her, to let me know. If she does not call back within a minute or so i ask again.
(2) first i validate the reason of her unhappiness, i'll only stop with this phase after i get some "yes" from her side. I also ask if i can hug her, normally hugging helps a lot, however if she does not want it, i won't push it.
(3) then  depending on what eh issue is, i try to explain to her like to an adult why the thing she asks for is not possible...or not possible right now. If needed i a say i'm sorry that she is upset, and that i (or someone else) did not mean to make her upset, and that we'll take care next time and try for this not to happen again.

This normally does it. another trick i have is to count to 30 to help her with being patient. This is how i do it :
http://www.outnumbered.be/parenting/counting-to-teach-patience/

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