Angelwings999
asks:
Q:
My husband is bullying my son (his step son). We also have 2 sons together, he is amazing with them. I need advice? Should I leave him?
I have been married for 10 years and with my husband for 12 . After OUR first son was born he started bullying my son who is his step son. It has been going on for close to four years. I know this sounds awful but as I now have 2 sons with him it's been very difficult to make a decision that will benefit all three of my boys. He is amazing and loving towards his own boys but makes my sons life very difficult and my son is finding it unbearable at times. He is now 14. The abuse consists of asking my son to do things a very stern (attitude behind the tone of his voice) way. I then jump in and go nuts and say "what's with your attitude" how about a please or thank you in there. He is NEVER nice. Just what HE always expects! He NEVER praises him unless asked to by me and even then it's very brief and dry. I have all these talks with him about it, he is fine for a day or so (FAKE) and then it all starts again. My other two boys adore their dad and why wouldn't they as he is great with them. I am at the end of my tether and don't sleep well due to the constant wondering about how leaving him will help one of us but not the other two who are 7 and 4. He has refused counseling and says he is only treating him like this as he wants him to grow up to be strong and self sufficient. My son has a very loving nature especially towards me and his little brothers. He always cuddles and kisses them. He is never in trouble and is making good grades at school. What's up with my husband?
In Topics:
Parenting / Our Family, Discipline and behavior challenges, Blended families
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Best Answer!
what's this?from a fellow member
Additional Answers (10)
If he can't treat them as equals he does not need to be around him. Your son will develop issues from this, don't sacrifice your son, he & your other children need to come first in your life.
> 60 days ago
sounds like your husband has some issues going on and maybe seeking some thereapy together as a family would help.. if he doesnt want to change i would kick him to the curb. your son doesnt deserve to be treated that way.
> 60 days ago
Wow! This has got to be tough on not only you and your son who is being bullied, but also on his brothers, and I sincerely feel for all of you. You need to have another heart-to-heart talk with your husband. I would start off by telling him that you love him and "All" of your children, and that it hurts your heart to see and hear him treat your son (I would use his name, instead) like he does. Remind him that when he took you as his wife, he also took your son, and that you fully expected him to treat him no different than if he were his own. (Keep your tone non-accusatory and level.) Remind him that boys and young men need good male rolemodels and whether he knows it or not, every action he takes is being observed by all of your boys. I whole-heartedly feel that only a man can teach a boy how to be a man, and your husband should be the first example of a good man for ALL of your boys! Hopefully, you husband will see the light and start being the father that your son needs. Also, I would recommend counseling for your son, as well. He needs to know that the treatment that he has received is not his fault and that it is no way to treat others, especially those whom are supposed to look to your for love and guidance. You and your family are in my thoughts.
> 60 days ago
It seems that your husband sees your son as "the target child", you need to insist that he goes to counseling. A couple of weeks ago in GA, a stepfather shot his stepson to death, I'm not saying your husband would do that but don't let it escalate. Your son is heading into his prime teenage years and we all know teenagers don't always listen and/or obey you, the problem will only get worse if not resolved asap.
> 60 days ago
Yes. Anyone who doesn't love you enough to be good to your child (their stepson) is bad, bad news for you both. Your child will thank you for getting him OUT of your life. I speak from Exp.
> 60 days ago
As I read this I kinda see myself in here. I have threatened to leave my husband and I've been in the same situation. I think that a sit down with both him and your son is needed. Your son should express how he feels to your husband and I think the way your husband responds to this will give you your answer. I think it also stems from the fact that he is not the real father. It may be strange for him raising someone elses son and that is why his behavior has been like this, but it is NOT fair to your son because your husband knew when he met you, that you were a package deal. I wish you all the best of
luck but I really dont think its fair to your son to feel like the outsider or the "stepson".
luck but I really dont think its fair to your son to feel like the outsider or the "stepson".
> 60 days ago
tell him straight up in his face if you keep acting immature and not complying with my wishes to treat my son better then there's the door. 4 years sounds like alot more then a problem, with clearly no solution insight besides leaving him. You cant let somebody whether you love them or not to walk all over you like his doormat. And if I was your 14 year old son there would be more problems then just waiting for you two to settle it out. When he matures more into adulthood and hes still under your roof with your husband, it could get violent. So stop having to "deal" with his attitude and give him the ultimatum.
> 60 days ago
I would say yes. leave him. he shouldn't do that. It is just wrong that he treats the other two right
> 60 days ago
Hi. My name is Julie and i am living the exact same conditions. Please. When you say that you will leave a good father for one person, listen that child is as important as the two others. Your priority are ALL of YOUR children. Not one, not two but ALL. Your husband is a grown man. What he does to YOUR child, will shatter him for the rest of his life. There are no good excuses for staying in this relationship. Your child should be main and foremost priority and concern. If your husband loved you that much and cared for the family you share, he would treat your first born the same way. Put yourself in your child's shoes. This child feels betrayed everyday by his mother who doesn't choose to do the right thing. He feels he is not as good as his siblings. How cruel and inconsiderate is that? For one? What you mean is for all. Don't think for a single minute that the two others don't see it because you are fooling yourself if that is your perception. Your child is for sure your priority. No matter the cost.
Julie
Julie
> 60 days ago
