Wendydarlin...
asks:
Q:
My husband wants to call it quits after 4 months of a blended family marriage...how can he spend time with everyone without feeling guilty?
My husband and I recently married 4 months ago. His sons are 9 and 12 and live here 3-4 days a week. My daughter is 11 and lives here full time except for visitation 2 weekends a month. My 15 yr old son lives with his dad and visits the same weekends all our kids are here. My husband has an obsessive relationship with his kids....always wants to put them first. We have been having the same argument since I moved in....he wants to devote all his time to the kids when they are here and thinks I should suck it up and deal with it and that the other 3 days should be enough time for me to spend with him. His kids plays sports and he is at practice most nights of the week and games on the weekends. I am not working right now and spend my days alone in the house and want some attention at night from him. I understand him spending time with the kids after work and have asked him to just compromise with me and spend a half an hour at night unwinding from the day and having adult time. He wont budge! I am his wife every day wether the kids are here or not and feel like a stranger in my own home. He even tells me constantly the kids come first which over time has caused me to resent his kids and be absolutely miserable when they come here. The kids dont have alot of discipline or rules here. They call the shots all the time. Now my husband wants a divorce....help!
In Topics:
Blended families
19 days ago
Answers (1)
Hi Wendy,
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Blended families are difficult, and it's difficult, at times to figure out what to do to make it work.
I see several issues:
-Your marriage is not taking priority.
-There needs to be a balance, everyday, no matter, who is in the house (or visiting)- a balance of couple time, family time, and also dedicated biological parent/kid time. All of these are O.K.- as long as there is a balance.
-Also, since you moved into his home, I didn't hear that you and your new husband created your own house rules, to signify the changes in the adults in the home. When a new adult moves in, it's time to re-establish your house guidelines and expectations.
I recommend you checking out The Blended and Step Family Survival Kit. This kit also includes a $50 off coupon for blended family coaching.
Your marriage is worth saving- and the holidays are coming, it's a rotten time to put your family through another transition.
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC
Blended and Step Family Expert
http://www.TheBlendedandStepFamilyResourceCenter.com
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Blended families are difficult, and it's difficult, at times to figure out what to do to make it work.
I see several issues:
-Your marriage is not taking priority.
-There needs to be a balance, everyday, no matter, who is in the house (or visiting)- a balance of couple time, family time, and also dedicated biological parent/kid time. All of these are O.K.- as long as there is a balance.
-Also, since you moved into his home, I didn't hear that you and your new husband created your own house rules, to signify the changes in the adults in the home. When a new adult moves in, it's time to re-establish your house guidelines and expectations.
I recommend you checking out The Blended and Step Family Survival Kit. This kit also includes a $50 off coupon for blended family coaching.
Your marriage is worth saving- and the holidays are coming, it's a rotten time to put your family through another transition.
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC
Blended and Step Family Expert
http://www.TheBlendedandStepFamilyResourceCenter.com
3 days ago
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