I understand your concern about this victim not being able to perform in the band performance because they were defending themself against a known bully. It must be frustrating for all the kids and parents involved in the situation. However, the bottom line is that if the youth did something to physically harm the bully, they must experience consequences for that. I know that it doesn't seem fair that the bully continues to bully other kids, but if someone physically hurts another youth the school cannot allow it to go unpunished. Without knowing what the incident involved, it's tough to tell you if the punishment of getting expelled was appropriate or not.

The real issue in this entire situation is not the punishment the victim received, but what the school, parents, and kids are doing to deal with the bully. Have numerous written examples of bullying by this youth been presented to school administration? Have other parents talked to the administration about what's been happening to their children? Has someone talked to the parents of the bully and described to them what their child has been doing? If not, these are good places to start.

It may be a good idea to get some members of the band together and talk about ways they can non-violently deal with bullying. Appoint one parent of the group as someone that the kids can call anytime if they need help dealing with the bully. There are also some great books out there on bullying. Some can be found at www.boystownpress.org. Ask the school if they would be willing to have an anti-bulling program implemented into the curriculum. Consider asking for cooperation from the school counselor in helping kids deal with bullies in the school setting.

If you bring examples of things the school can do to create positive change during school rather than just anger and complaints, the school is more likely to be open to working with you and other parents on this situation.

Boys Town National Hotline
1-880-448-3000