What can I do if my kindergartener is physically abused by classmate? Hit, choked, held down. etc. Teachers, director claim their hands are tied.

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rufus53 asks:

This violent student has been sent for psych eval. & counseling. He constantly physically abuses classmates, has emotional outbursts. Teachers & director claim they cannot do anything other than "timeouts", "cool downs", etc. It is a private kindergarten, the owner claims all kids deserve an chance at education. At the expense of my son?!
Public all-day Kindergarten is not an option where I live. what can I do?

Member Added on Jan 13, 2010

Problem solved! With teacher support and director support, the owner relented and asked that the family remove the child. We are so relieved and so are the teacher & director. During the process the teacher stated "now we can do so much more in class." It was bitter/sweet to hear that.

In Topics: My Relationship with my child's school, Bullying and teasing, Discipline and behavior challenges

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Boys Town National Hotline

Jan 26, 2010

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What the Expert Says:

Do you know the parents of this child? Have you considered talking to the child's mother about your concerns? If you can stay calm and not get angry while talking to her, it could be a positive situation for both families involved.

There may be a medical or psychological reason why he is acting out. For example, children with Asperger's or Autism spectrum disorders are diagnosed when they are in preschool or kindergarten because the emotional outburst and physical aggression are now out in the open, not just in the home. Some schools are better equipped to handle these kinds of problems than others and it may be that this child will need to be in a special ed class or another school which specializes in the disorder he may have. Hopefully the parents of this child is getting the support and guidance they need to help their son to learn how to manage his emotions.

With that being said, it is not easy when your child is the one who has been harmed by another child, no matter what the situation, or what age. If your son starts to show anxiety about not returning to school, then it would be a good idea to talk with the school counselor or principal. Continue to support your son and encourage him that hitting is wrong, but this boy probably has a problem and needs help to learn how to stop hurting other kids. Praise your son for handling himself well, and for going to the teacher for help when he needs it.

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Additional Answers (7)

dkarpf writes:

What! I've never heard of such thing. Everyone deserves an education including YOUR child and the rest of the classmates. I would first try and speak with some of the other parents in the class to see if this is also happening with them. THen I would ask for a meeting with the other parents, the teacher and the director and tell them something needs to be done about this before a serious injury occurs. Perhaps you could talk to the parents of the child to see if they own up to their sons problems. If nothing changes, take him out of the class and look for perhaps a private Christian school or another in your area. This child is the one who needs to be pulled out and put in special education. I applaud you for taking a stand to help your child. Good Luck

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dgraab , Parent writes:

Hi, I'm very sorry to hear about the situation with your son at school.

Here are some resources you may find helpful...

Bullying and Teasing special edition -- includes 'what to do' information and printouts you can share with the teachers and director at your child's school: http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/

Building Positive Relationships with Educators (includes tips for getting your voice heard more effectively): http://www.education.com/topic/parent-teacher-relationship/

The Parent's Guide to Kindergarten: http://www.education.com/grade/kindergarten/

Private School information center:
http://www.education.com/topic/private-school-options/

SchoolFinder (a directory of U.S. schools -- should you need to research alternatives to current school): http://www.education.com/schoolfinder/

I wish you well as you work with the director, teachers and other parents at your son's school to quickly resolve this serious problem.

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dgraab , Parent writes:

Hi, One more resource I wanted to share with you...

Bullying in Kindergarten
http://www.education.com/reference/article/kindergarten-bullying/

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Bscroggs05 writes:

You are definitely going the right route taking with the teachers and director. But if they are not very forthcoming with a solution then it's time to voice your complaint to someone who can do something. Talk to an elected school official or again to the problem child's parents. If it is a private school they have rules and regulations that they must abide by regarding problem children. My son goes to a public school and they have that. They should have more strict regulations I would think at a private school.

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smilez writes:

i would report it to the police because that is physical and emotional abuse. tell them as well that the schol did nothing to help your child but insted let them have the right to do watever hewants to. if that does not work go and talk to the abusers parents and have a meaning full discussion. if that doesnt work move to a safer envirement it may be expensive but at lest you would know your child is safe. good luck with your situation.

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Karenmom writes:

Hi rufus 53!

I am so happy to hear that this problem is solved!!

We can't control what happens in our schools (public or private) but it's wonderful that people like you are involved and active and play a role in keeping them safe. Congratulations on a deserving victory!!!

Best wishes!

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EdieRaether , Teacher writes:

SOOOO good to hear that and am so glad you took action. The abusive child has serious issues which may require FAMILY therapy as often times children are the symptom of a dysfunctional family.
YES....pressure works! Don't forget to use your leverage.
Be well,
Edie

Resources:

http://www.stopbullyingwithedie.com

http://www.wingsforwishes.com

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