Dear Denise,

You certainly are not alone in raising a sensitive child. Good for you for taking the time to think about the issue and educate yourself. And good for your daughter to have her mom thinking about her this way and wanting to be of help. She's a lucky girl.

What kind of issues is your daughter having with the environment at school? I imagine there are a great many things about school that could be overwhelming for a very sensitive child. One thing I want to point out is that your daughter is very smart to use the natural stress relief of crying to help her deal with her sensitivity. Crying is a very effective way for the body to release stress and children with higher sensitivities often experience more stress.

If you can simply sit with her and be a caring, attentive presence while she cries you will already be doing a large amount to help her feel better. Tears are composed of stress hormones and literally wash stress out of the body. Whatever you can do to help her maintain her ability to use this natural function will be beneficial to her in the long run. She will have better access to this natural healing process with you there listening as the feelings wash out of her. No need to try to fix anything or cheer her up, she will cry as long as she needs to with your calm reassurance and afterward she will be better able to marshal her resources to cope with the things she is feeling sensitive to at school. We call this process Staylistening and it is also very useful when your daughter is overwhelmed by other emotions as well.

I'll add a few resources below so you can learn more about this process and there is a wonderful book by Peter Levine called "Waking the Tiger" that goes much deeper into the details if you are interested.

We wish you and your sensitive daughter both the very best,

Juli
Julianne Idleman
Hand in Hand Program Director
www.handinhandparenting.org