How do I get him to listen....before I loose my mind!

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justatiredmom asks:

Hi, I have a 4 1/2 year old that is really starting to get to me. I run a home daycare and have taken care of children for many years. So why can't I manage my own!!! He just completely ignores me until I literally scream at him and physically move him. He left some toys in the living room so I called him to pick them up, he answered "ok mom!", but never came. I yelled again to come pick up his toys this time no answer. So I called "how many times do I have to yell at you to do the same thing before your gonna listen?". His reply " I don't know I forget!" At those words I felt something snap in my head and I stormed into his room to find him still firmly planted on his bed watching TV. I turned off his TV picked him up and put him face to face with me and yelled "you don't talk to me like that! Get your butt to the living room and clean up your toys!". I gave him a smack on the bum and then took his TV away for not listening and being mouthy. Other than some crying, obviously because I smacked is bum, he seemed to understand why it got taken away. I hate spanking him but it seems to be the only way to get through to him that I mean business! It usually only needs once and for the rest of the day/weekend he is on his best behavior (wants his tv back). That was Friday and now its Sunday and he still does not have it back but he still refuses to listen until I get mad and yell and scream at him. Please help me I hate this! I need some advise.

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Feb 10, 2012

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What the Expert Says:

The most important thing to remember as a parent in this situation is simply that he is four years old and has the mind of a four year old. It is likely that he simply DID forget when you asked him to clean up his toys, even if you toldhim multiple times. The brain of a four year old does not work the same as an adult brain. Their frontal lobe, which is the part that is responsible for problem solving and reasoning, is very under developed. Patience from a parent for this reason is crucial. It is frustrating and it will drive you nuts, but he is not intentionally ignoring you or disrespecting you. He simply cannot attend or focus on tasks for extended periods of time. Children's memories don't even really develop until they are 5. Give him time to grow and develop. If he continues to be inattentive and easily distractable, take him to be assessed by a child psychologist. It may also be that he suffers from ADD or ADHD, which there is treatment for.

It will be important to try and keep your cool with him in the future. Your thoughts about spanking and yelling are spot on. Ruling by fear is not healthy and here is a great article on spanking that I encourage you to check out.

http://health.yahoo.net/news/s/nm/spanking-kids-can-cause-long-term-harm-canada-study

Please take care and the next time he isn't doing as he is told, take a deep breath, tell him again, and even help him start the task so that he may more easily finish it.

Please take care.

Counselor, Dominic
Boys Town National Hotline-A resource for parents and teens
1-800-448-3000
www.parenting.org

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babymama71 writes:

First and foremost, (i know its tough) but you have to stop "yelling". Secondly, let him know that you like a clean living room, and that if we leave them lying around then we will step on them and break them or trip over them and hurt ourselves. Kids understand everything if we TAKE THE TIME to explain things in a way they can relate. Just be yourself. Tell him if he cleans up the toys you will give him a piece of candy...GOOD LUCK

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