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mlcallender
mlcallender asks:
Q:

I'm at a lost on how to deal with my 12 year old, she is lying and stealing....

My daughter lives with me full time and sees her dad on the weekend, for the past two years she has started acting out in several different ways.  She started telling lies, stealing, being rude and disrespectful.  I received a call today from her school and she got suspended for stealing $20 from a teacher, when she was asked about it she stated that she didn't realize it was a 20, she thought it was just a dollar....
The teacher was disturbed by the fact she thought just because it was a dollar it was OK, the fact that my child has started this behavior has gotten me extremely stressed out.  I talk to her repeatedly about not stealing and telling the truth and have tried positive feedback.  2 weeks ago she got in to a fight with her step sister and both of them lost everything in there rooms, this hasn't affected her either.  I have tried to spank her but she doesn't seem affected by this either... I do not know what to do anymore!!!!
If there is anything that you can suggest I would greatly appreciate it!!!!!

Thank you!!
In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Dr.Monika
Nov 12, 2011
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What the Expert Says:

Stealing and lying are never acceptable and need to be dealt at once, before they escalate into even more serious problems.  Your daughter needs to see a pediatric counsellor as soon as possible.  Her regular health care provider will be able to suggest one in your community.

You mentioned that her acting out started about 2 years ago.  Was it sudden or gradual?  Schedule an appointment with your daughter's regular health care provider for a physical and discuss this behavioral change during the visit.  Sudden behavioral changes in children may result from metabolic disturbances such as thyroid disease that can easily be rules out by a simple blood test.  

Bets regards.
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Additional Answers (1)

sophmore2014
sophmore2014 , Student writes:
First of all, you're a good mother. You worry and care about your daughter.
There could be several ways she is stealing and lying and acting out. It could be for attention, it could be an influnence on other kids, and it could be not getting what she wants.
You can't spank a twelve year old, grounding could work, but if she's not affected by getting her things taken away, then I would bring things to a different level.
I've been in your daughters shoes, two years ago. I was charged with a feliny for stealing, put away in juvinille dention, and sent to behavoiral foster care for ten months.
The foster care was the thing that changed me, seeing a worst life, getting my life taken away, and having to live with a strict family for a long time.
I'm not suggesting foster care, but I'm suggesting to show your daughter the consequences of the actions she is doing. If she is stealing, take her to a prison to see where she could end up from that. Take away her Facebook, phone priveleges, and television for a week to show her what you can do.
hope I helped a bit.
> 60 days ago

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