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RENE2012
RENE2012 asks:
Q:

What is "I Message" discipline?

In Topics: Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago

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Expert

Boys Town National Hotline
Feb 1, 2012
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What the Expert Says:

Hello,

Thanks so much for taking the time to ask for some clarification on this topic.

From the article, here is the description of "I messages"

What is an "I message"?

Use "I messages" to intervene when there is a relationship problem (examples: teasing, gossip, horsing around, arguing, being rude, lying). This is a solution-focused, respectful way of letting the person know of your concerns and what you want to see happen.

Use eye contact
Tell the person: "I have a problem..."
Describe the problem or behavior in a non-threatening way. "When you do this... I feel"
Tell the person how you feel about the problem. "I feel..."
Then ask two questions: 1) "If you continue this behavior, will it make our relationship better or worse? and 2)"Do you want our relationship to get better or worse?"


An "I message" is not a form of discipline. Rather, it is a way for an individual to react when they are confronted with a problem in a relationship. It allows the other person to have a better understand of how they feel by personalizing their message. For example, "I feel upset when you insult me because it makes me feel bad about myself." Asking this type of question allows the other individual to know how you feel.

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Additional Answers (1)

dpaselk
dpaselk writes:
An "I message" is a statement that starts with the word I instead of you.  For example: "I worry that someone will get hurt when you throw the scissors." Instead of: "You are a bad boy - No throwing scissors." Or "I feel angry when you speak to me disrespectfully", rather than, "You make me so angry when you talk to me that way."
> 60 days ago

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