timberdrake
asks:
Q:
Very messed up stepdaughter, she was abused and neglected most her life by her mother and then the moms sister.
We were awarded sole custody of my stepdaughter 2 yrs ago. She has very violent outbursts and even has her classmates fearing her. She has been receiving counseling and psychiatric help this whole time. From what we have figured out and assume, she was severely neglected and abused by all adults but her father. He is her only parent since the mom signed off all rights. She still tries to be a fixture in her life but only when its convenient for her. I used to look at her like a sister but have severed this relationship as more and more comes out of our daughter. We have told her to never contact us again. It is not good for our daughter. We do not feel that the services she is receiving is her. When the aunt brought her and all her belonging to us, we were appalled. She only had one bag of clothes and one of toys. All the clothes were rags and the toys were all broken. When ever we buy her something, even if it is a necessity, she has tantrums and acts like a spoiled brat. I have never felt that it was right to buy something for one child and not for the other children, so I always try to get each of them something even if it is small. Someone has her think that she is evil and not worthy of anything. When she acts up, we put her in a time out and wait for her to calm down so we can talk about her behavior. She knows it is wrong but either does not want to or can not control her self. Lately she has started slamming her head on the wall. We have tried to talk sense in to her
In Topics:
Discipline and behavior challenges
> 60 days ago
What the Expert Says:
Additional Answers (5)
She does not believe that she is worthy of living. What do we do? We try to make sure that she knows that we love her and that the behavior is not acceptable. She says she understands and will try to talk to us before she gets to that level of actions, but she never does. She blows up at just a look and not a certain look or a disapproving glance, but ANY look or word. We can not pinpoint what sets her off because it is so many things and nothing specific. Her mother's side is very messed up mentally. Schizophrenia and bipolar are common is almost everyone on that side. The psychiatrist will not diagnose her as having anything specific wrong with her and will only give her ablify. She is her own worst enemy. We believe that for her to heal, she needs to see a light at the end of the tunnel. She can not get better if she does not know what causes her behaviors. Any suggestions???
> 60 days ago
It is truly unfortunate and sad when a child goes through these things. Of what you have written here, I can see that you are doing your very best to get through to her and help her. Self-mutilating behaviour can be very dangerous. It is important that you seek professional help of it is getting too far out of hand.
You know, it could help if you were able to find out her likes and dislikes and gain her trust through her likes. If you can gain her trust, talking to her about her tantrums and other such behaviours can become much easier. I hope this helps you.
You know, it could help if you were able to find out her likes and dislikes and gain her trust through her likes. If you can gain her trust, talking to her about her tantrums and other such behaviours can become much easier. I hope this helps you.
> 60 days ago
It should be noted that children with developmental difficulties may not always understand verbal instructions. Children with developmental challenges can sometimes even repeat back the instructions but still have difficulties turning those instructions into actions. If you experience this, try making a visual chart of what you would like to have happen. Cut pictures out of magazines or draw a chart with stick figures and go over it with the child. The child may understand better if he/she can see the pictures in addition to the verbal instructions.
Take steps to prevent injury. Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum. If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger. Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.
Check this out: http://www.ehow.com/how_5377001_deal-out-control-child.html
Take steps to prevent injury. Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum. If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger. Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.
Check this out: http://www.ehow.com/how_5377001_deal-out-control-child.html
> 60 days ago
I wish it would help. I though we had made break through s and then the next day everything is still the same.
> 60 days ago
Have faith and Pray. Get her involved in activities, dont make her think she has a problem. Treat her normal and acknowledge the situations every time something happens. Sometimes kids be diagnosed with different problems and placed on medications and they really start to believe that it is an excuse for their behavior. I think from what was said, you're doing a good job she just might Love the positive attention! Give her time the break through is coming! Good Luck
> 60 days ago
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