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lil_puppy
lil_puppy asks:
Q:

need help with middle school bullying

ok i fought this girl i was in the 6th grade but now that im in the 7thgrade her sister shes in the 8th grade has been bullied me talking bad words toward me and that frights me ii dont even want 2 go 2 school no more and i dont want tell my parents because they will make a big deal and everybody will take me as a snitch...i dont know what 2do i tried everything
In Topics: Back to school, Bullying and teasing
> 60 days ago

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Expert

lkauffman
Aug 27, 2009
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What the Expert Says:

I am so sorry to hear that you have been having a hard time with some girls at your school. Sounds like it has been very stressful, and I can understand how you would want to avoid all of that drama and just skip school. It is clear that this is a lot for you to handle, and I am glad that you are reaching out for some support.

Now, first, as you have experienced, bullies are particularly effective because they cause fear and helplessness in their victims. There is an imbalance of power that allows them to wield their threatening words, gestures, or physical actions against their victim. The victim ends up feeling powerlessness, with few options. So, what can you do, as a victim, to try and gain back some power and control? You have a couple of options:

1). You can ignore (to the best of your ability) the bully's actions. When they call out your name, walk away, walk toward an adult, ignore them. Or, gather all of your resources and face them, but smile as they harass you, but do not give them the satisfaction of seeing you react with upset or anger. You would take away some of their power and enjoyment in the bullying if you do not react the way they want. Now, without a doubt, ignoring them would be difficult. If it is impossible to ignore them, I recommend the following:

2). Tell your parents or a trusted adult at the school, a favorite teacher, a school counselor, the school principal. I know that you don't want to be a snitch, but you deserve to have some peace at school, and you could outlast any kind of backlash there may be associated with asking for help. Quite honestly, in this situation, I don't think you would be a snitch. Taking care of yourself and owning what you deserve is assertiveness, not "snitchiness." Sure, kids may talk about it for a week (maybe, two, but it would blow over eventually). You COULD survive all of that (I know it is hard to imagine). More importantly, you would get some help and support and take away a little bit of the "power" that your bullies have in the situation.

You deserve peace and happiness at school. It is your right, and I think that it is completely appropriate to approach your parents and/or teachers at your school, the very people who are responsible for assuring your safety.

Take care and please do not hesitate to check in again if you have additional questions or concerns.

L. Compian, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist
Education.com

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Additional Answers (2)

Loddie1
Loddie1 , Parent writes:
Hello,
I know it is hard to tell your parents, but maybe you could tell another adult you trust at school and see if there is a way to resolve the issue without everyone knowing.
> 60 days ago

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stebbinsd
stebbinsd writes:
Why are you worried about being taken as a snitch?  Bullies will leave you alone because they don't want to get snitched, and if you're worried about not having friends, don't worry.  You'll have friends; you'll just have the right kind of friends.

Since we're using terms that you'll find in Harry Potter, let me try this:  It's better to have one or two Rons and Hermoines than it is to have six or seven Crabbs and Goyles.
> 60 days ago

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