My daughter starts kindergarten this fall and is already stressing not wanting to go to school everyday (she goes to preschool/daycare 3 days a week). I know she'll do fine after the first couple weeks, but here's my main concern. My lease is up at the end of the calendar year and my landlord plans on selling - I don't want to buy the place I'm in, it was a transition condo after my divorce. I'm looking for a home for my daughter and I, and it may end up being in a different school district - having us move in the middle of the school year. Am I putting too much stress on her if we move right after she gets used to school? I think I worry because the divorce isn't easy on her latley (she doesn't like going from house to house, it breaks my heart)...
Divorce is tough- tough for the parents and the kids. But here's some things to think about:
Teaching your child how to adapt and move positively through change is a wonderful thing. Divorce, new schools and moving are excellent opportunities to show her that these changes can be made and everything is still O.K.
Children are very flexible, much so more than you and I. If you have a positive, expectant attitude about the move and new school, your daughter will also receive the changes positively and look forward to it.
Kids don't know how to act, when changes happen, so they look to their parents for cues of how to act. (Similar to a toddler falling down, and waiting to see if they should cry or not. It's not based on their feelings, but the reaction of their parent's to the fall.)
Give your child a wonderful gift- how to move through change positively, excitedly and expectantly. You'll get through this, and you and your daughter will be stronger.
I hope that helps.
Shirley Cress Dudley, LPC NCC FACMPE
Expert for blended families, step families and single parent families
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
Author of the book, Blended Family Advice
It's great that you are sensitive to the fact that moving might be tough for your daughter after she transitions to kindergarten. I think the best way to deal with the move (which sounds like it is definitely happening) is to keep your daughter informed. That doesn't mean she has to know about every house you see or every time you put in a bid--if you are planning to buy. But it would be better for her if moving is not a total surprise. Children are pretty resilient as long as they can count on their parents to be honest and supportive. And, along those lines, it would be great if you could talk with her dad about ways to make the transition between your two homes as smooth as possible each time. Having similar rules helps a lot, as does some flexibility in scheduling if something special is happening.
Jeanne H. Brockmyer, Ph. D. education.com expert clinical child psychologist