What to do when mu child is being bullied and getting punished when the bully lies.

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Teresamic asks:

My daughter (6th grader) has been bullied for about 3 or 4 months now. The girl that is bullying her has called her names, spread rumors, tried to persuade the other kids to exclude my daughter and has even shaken my daughter. We went to school counselor and they spoke with both children and the bully lied so they did not discipline her, they just instructed the girls to stay from o.e another. While the name calling, rumors and exclusion continued for my daughter we went to school principal. The principal called both girls to her office and instructed them both to pretend like the other does not exist. And if they look, talk etc they will receive in school detention. Well that day the girl started her normal glaring and when my daughter approached her friend who standing by the bully the bully glared at her until she was extremely uncomfortablr and my daughter said hello. Well that afternoon my daufhter principal again and explained everything that the bully was doing and told principal she did say hello to the bully. The next morning the principal called the girls in her office and the bully lied and said my daughter started it and was saying hello with attitude. So after months of being bullied my daughter was given in school suspension and the bully got nothing. My child has never been in trouble and is an honor roll student. She is seriously depressed and anxious and does not want to school and when we handle things in the proper manner she was punished. I feel so helple

In Topics: My Relationship with my child's school, Bullying and teasing

> 60 days ago

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Boys Town National Hotline

Mar 22, 2012

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What the Expert Says:

Its really great that you're taking the time to reach out for some help with this situation. You're right, it sounds like the whole experience has been very overwhelming, stressful, and unfair to your daughter. By speaking with a teacher, school counselor, and principal you've taken some great steps in order to get this resolved for your daughter- you're doing the right thing. As her mother you have the ability to be your daughter's biggest advocate within the school, and it seems like you are doing everything you can to do so.

There is nothing up with "moving up the food chain" in order to talk with some of the higher-ups in the ladder. The superintendent, for example, would really be a good resource and is absolutely somebody who you can call a meeting with. Put a call into his or her office with your information so they can contact you, then describe what has been going on. Having the principal's boss providing the motivation to get things taken care of could really be the push this situation needs to get resolved.

If nobody within the school system is able to get the bullying under control, there is nothing that says you can't contact law enforcement to see what assistance they would be willing to provide. Harassment and bullying are both illegal, even though they are happening at the school it does not mean the police can't assist you with this.

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Additional Answers (4)

Lilred80 writes:

You either have to try the superintendent and see what they say call a meeting if you would like. Maybe you have to go to class with her or they should have someone keep an actual eye on them. If this does not help sometimes switching to a school that actually does something will help. I had to with my oldest he was bullied for years in school buy both staff and students put him in a strict no bully school and loves it for the first time in 5 years. I have a long drive but at least he is happy.

> 60 days ago

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myfriend writes:

I agree with Lilred80 says.

Resources:

http://myfriend-runningshors.blogspot.com/

> 60 days ago

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bremani writes:

I am outraged for you! It is time for you to go to the school board. You have to back in your mind and your child's mind and try to recall as best you can, dates, times and incidents. Also recall the reports you and your daughter have made to the authorities. Put it in writing and mail it to EVERY SINGLE MEMBER of the school board. If necessary, go to government. You also have the right, if you feel your child is in danger, to call the police. This behavior is a crime.

I have a 9 year old, in a much more aggressive situation in that the child is also hurting my son physically, but I have done all that you have done with similar results. Now, I am moving on and the next time this child touches my son, I will involve the police. I am at the deputy superintendent level now...and I will keep going. I am lobbying to have this child removed from my son's class.

Dont give up. Bullying is real, it hurts, and your daughter may begin to feel hopeless. Encourage her every day! And dont let this kid get away with this.

Best to you!
Camille

> 60 days ago

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bc0100 writes:

By Michelle Ball, California Education Attorney for Students since 1995

FYI- never ever presume the schools ARE doing their jobs adequately. You must stay involved. Parents ALWAYS need to know what is going on to ensure the schools are doing what they are supposed to do. Kids usually will not report issues to school staff on their own and feel they have no power. If school officials don't notice something is going on, parents must step in. I have heard too many horror stories to believe otherwise.

Schools are under an obligation to take action when they know bullying or targeting is occurring. They may also punish the students involved (see California Education Code sections 48900(r) and 48900.4). However, I get calls weekly from parents whose kids are being targeted while the school ignores a known situation. Often the parents have verbally told the school, but the school has done nothing.

Here are my best suggestions of what to do to get action from the school and stop the bullying:
http://edlaw4students.blogspot.com/2011/02/twelve-things-you-can-do-to-stop.html

Resources:

http://www.edlaw4students.com

http://edlaw4students.blogspot.com/

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