Although some might tell you otherwise, teenage heartbreak is just as powerful as the broken heart of an older person. What's more, a year is very long time for a teen to be in a relationship. In addition, it is very painful for a teen to suspect that her boyfriend has broken up with her for another girl--or cheated on her (which is actually often the way teen boys AND girls end their relationships because they don't yet have the emotional skills to break up on more emotionally mature terms.) And it isn't surprising that she doesn't want to believe this is true, especially if he broke up with her soon after their relationship reached a more intimate level. She must have felt incredibly rejected and hurt.

Given all of this, it is not surprising--in fact I would say that it is normal--that your daughter is going through a period close to mourning: crying, not eating and trying to talk to him--to make him want to come back to the relationship. You may find that she also has trouble sleeping and difficulty focusing on school work--all of these are normal responses to feeling deep loss.

It is certainly a concern that she would turn to alcohol--although, I wonder if it is indeed her first time. It is possible that she has tried alcohol in the past, without you realizing it. It is unusual for a teen to turn to alcohol for the first time in crisis. More typically, they have at least tried it socially first under more positive circumstances. It is important for you to have very open conversations with her about the danger of using alcohol to make herself feel better, or to get the attention of her former boyfriend. It is also important for you to monitor her very, very closely during this period of loss, especially since she is showing signs of self destructive behavior to cope (drinking).

In terms of the relationship, it is your job to help her cope as best she can. Loss of relationships is a normal part of growing up and learning how to get through them, is an important life skill. Your daughter needs you to remind her of two things:
1.That she is just as smart, wonderful, beautiful and special with or without this boyfriend.
2. That her self worth should not allow her to want to be with a boy who cheats on her.

This will be a rough period for her, but once she learns these two lessons, she will come out the other side, stronger, more resilient and with a better self esteem. Remind her that eventually she will be ready for another relationship, but she should give herself time to get over this one first.

Good Wishes and Great Parenting,
Dr Susan Bartell
JustAsk Expert
www.drsusanbartell.com
Twitter @drsusanbartell
NEW book “The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask”